Sage Rosenfels, You Are No John Elway

So, you’re an NFL QB. You’re at home, you’re up 27-17 against a division rival, and you’ve got the ball. There’s only 4:04 left in the game. All you have to do is run the ball a few times and maybe throw a dump off pass and you can ice the game. Most importantly, you keep Peyton Manning off the field, ensuring that my fantasy team increases its victory total by one.

No problem, right? Game’s in the bag.

Well, if you’re Sage Rosenfels, that’s a big problem, apparently. Rosenfels, last-minute substitute QB for the we-just-can’t-shake-this-whole-culture-of-losing Houston Texans, found himself in this exact situation yesterday against the Indianapolis Colts. The end result? Two fumbles, one interception, one late Manning TD, and a big fat L for my fantasy team.

Eff that, Sage.

On third and 8, Rosenfels took off on a QB scramble, but instead of sliding for a nice gain, he launched himself directly at Colts defensive back Marlin Jackson, who helped him recreate John Elway’s famous helicopter dive from that Super Bowl against the Packers, only with a very different result.

Rosenfels fumbled the ball, and Colts LB Gary Brackett, the slightly tubby Colts linebacker, snatched the live ball from the turf and waddled in for a touchdown. 27-24.

Sage Rosenfels, I watched John Elway. I loved John Elway. I played as John Elway in Madden. Sage Rosenfels, you’re no John Elway.

The real damage, though, came on the next drive, when you lost yet another fumble. A few plays later? Manning hits Reggie Wayne for a TD, effectively ending my fantasy day.

I have to say, Sage, when you threw that final interception to eliminate any hope of a comeback, I actually felt bad for you. Here’s what your teammate Mario Williams had to say about the whole chain of events after the game: ‘‘I’ve never seen anything in my life like that. For that to happen, I can’t even remember seeing anything like that growing up. It’s just devastating.”

Devastating indeed, Mario. For the both of us.

- Dave C., Twin Falls, ID

PS: Matt Schaub, you’re not free of blame here, either. I’ve never heard of a player being scratched because he’s “sick.” The Houston nightlife scene can’t be that good, Matt, especially for a guy whose hairline looks like a sine wave. You’ve got some splainin’ to do, buddy.

Who Else Do the People Hate?

I do have a rant. Maurice Jones-Drew is a piece of shit. I don't think I can even dignify him with five lines. What a waste of an early pick. They don't even give him the ball because he sucks so much. He's been less productive and less consistent for me than Tony Scheffler.

- Milan M., Raleigh, NC