Two touchdowns last year. One touchdown through the first five weeks this season.Last Thursday, I finally decided to cut bait with Thomas Jones, the plodding Jets rusher, trading him away for Chris Perry and some throw-ins, thinking that the young Bengal would bring some much needed explosivity to my roster.
I’d had enough. Can you blame me? Nobody wants a 30-year-old RB who doesn’t score and who seemingly never breaks a run longer than 10 yards. I mean, even his name is pedestrian. “Thomas Jones” sounds like a guy who made his living driving spikes into the tracks of the Transcontinental Railroad.
I tried referring to him as “Tom” for the first few weeks of the season, hoping that this would make him a little sexier in my eyes, and perhaps the eyes of the schlubs in my league whom I could potentially pawn him off on. It didn’t work. After only netting 65 total yards and failing the score in a game in which his team hung 56 points on the Cards, I figured it was over for poor old Thomas.
But yesterday? Ol’ TJ reached the end zone three times against the Bengals, racking up 25 fantasy points. When I saw the stat line come across the ticker, I figured that it was the wrong Jones. Surely, of all the league’s Joneses, only Felix or Julius or even Jacoby could be responsible for such fantasy decadence.
Alas, Stat Tracker confirmed: it was Thomas.
On the bright side, Chris Perry had 11 carries for 14 yards.
I’m doing my best to take all of this as a personal lesson. You shouldn’t lust after the speedy, younger RBs just in the same way you shouldn’t buy a fast car that’s likely to break down or fall in love with a girl you know is going to go home with some dude at the bar the first weekend you go out of town. In fact, I’d almost be willing to change everything about the way I live my life because of my experience if not for one thing.
Thomas Jones sucks. I’m sure of it.
Get ready for 13 carries for 53 yards next week. You suck, asshole!
- Eric C., Lincoln, NE
Who Else Do the People Hate?
Fuck you Joseph Addai! I mean seriously...Fuck You and the Colts Medical staff. You hurt your little hamstring in practice this week and it doesn't get reported? Then after one carry, your bitch ass sits on the sideline cause you're hurt? I had Thomas Jones on my bench and would've played him had I known you were a little baby. I lost by 3 points...3 points!
- Jamie M. New York, NY
I wanna take a hit out on The Patriots and Sammy Morris. When you're facing a fantasy team with Sproles and Morris and up 3 points with 7 minutes to play, you're not feeling too bad. Then because Matt Cassel can't hit open receivers, Morris snakes a garbage time score to send me to 2-4. You couldn't have fucked over fantasy owners with that Kevin Faulk bullshit this week? And I just lost Romo for 4 weeks! I'm fucked!
- Alex M. New York, NY
No comments:
Post a Comment