Being Bad isn't Always Good

As Marble Ryan mentioned during last week’s podcast, there’s many an NFL team in disarray. Due to injuries and suspensions teams like the Lions, the Seahawks, and even the Dallas Cowboys are shadows of their former prolific selves. Good fantasy football GMs adjust accordingly in these hard times. Unfortunately, you can’t repackage these mediocre offenses and sell them to a small municipality in Australia to save your season. After spending his Monday restructuring the Icelandic banking system, Mr. T is here for you. This week we look at the teams in disarray and let you know who is still a viable commodity.

Cincinnati Bengals – Entering the season as a possible offensive juggernaut, the Bengals now appear as washed up as Suzanne Somers. If you look ahead on the schedule, opponents such as Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, and Washington have you reaching for that emergency pair of Huggies. T.J. Houshmandzadeh is the only automatic weekly start and that’s even a tenuous label. He’s caught 7 balls or more in his last four games, but his yards per catch and end zone opportunities have been limited. Chad Johnson should remain on your pine since he won’t be breaking off big plays with Ryan Fitzpatrick behind center. Fitzpatrick himself is a name we hope you never have to see in the starting lineup. Cedric Benson has emerged as a bye-week flex play, but he’d provide more entertainment on your yacht than in your starting lineup.

Dallas Cowboys – Where have you gone Big O in Big D? You know it’s desperate times when Brooks Bollinger’s name comes up as a possible QB replacement for Brad Johnson. Neither player would be a wise insertion into your starting lineup. Is it possible that Terrell Owens is no longer an automatic fantasy start? Better options might exist for you. Marion Barber is the only sure thing against the Giants this week. Thankfully Tony Romo should return in two weeks, one of which includes a bye, to return order back to your dynamic Dallas options.

Detroit Lions – Fantasy owners like Steve Stevens long for the days when they could cash in their frequent flyer miles on Air Martz. An injured QB and a trade have left the Lions cupboard mostly bare to fantasy owners. Calvin Johnson may be Megatron, but he’s hardly more than a high end WR3 with Dan Orlovsky at QB. The last two weeks have shown that despite the desire to get Johnson the ball, it takes a Hail Mary and a 90+ yard touchdown for him to be effective. The Lions insistence on playing Rudi Johnson is ridiculous. Kevin Smith should be getting the carries given his possibility for growth, but since Rod Marinelli is coaching the Lions and not serving you a slice of Sicilian at your local pizzeria, neither RB should be used. Choose Smith if in need of a bye week fill-in because at least he sees passing downs and the Lions will always be losing.

Kansas City Chiefs – Not going anywhere for a while LJ? Grab a Snickers. After Larry Johnson comes out of Commissioner Goodell’s office on Tuesday, he may be suspended for the foreseeable future. Regardless he was rather mediocre when he played. The Lieutenant already touched on the K.C. backfield last Thursday. Surprisingly both Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez have been productive with Tyler Thigpen. While Thigpen should prove to be worthless, Gonzalez is a must start at TE and Bowe is handling himself well as a low end WR2 or high end WR3. If only he could grab himself some TDs…

Seattle Seahawks – The Seahawks might have the largest dearth of healthy offensive talent in the NFL right now. Once regarded as a viable RB2 or flex play, Julius Jones has shown what I expected over the last four weeks. All the receivers are useless with Seneca Wallace looking less effective than Tommy Callahan at getting you a good look at a T-Bone inside a Butcher’s ass. Wait, it was your bull…