Scouts’ Take: In which we discuss the prosperity of Jay Cutler, the fall of Matt Cassel, and Marble Ryan's ability to tell the future

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after blowing all our savings buying electronics on Black Friday, we had to fire them all. In their place are Black Irish, Marble Ryan, Mr. T, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 12 action.

Mr. T: Can we stop the Matt Cassel bandwagon now that he's played a good defense? Let's not kick Brady out of New England just yet. Cassel looked pretty average this week. Cutler meanwhile, who a bunch of you thought was worse off than Cassel going forward, looked pretty good yesterday against what was supposed to be a tough Jets defense. And Favre sucks, that interception down the left sideline was fucking atrocious.

Steve Stevens: Can we get a breakdown of who actually thought Cassel > Cutler?

Black Irish: I was in the tank for Cassel.

Mr. T: http://rexgrossmanisourquarterback.blogspot.com/2008/11/name-game_25.html

Marble Ryan: The Jets pass D couldn't be that good, considering the difference in Cassel performances between the last Jets game and yesterday's Steelers game.

Mr. T: The whole thing was a debacle yesterday. The second ranked Jets run defense made Peyton Hillis look like everything you hoped Mike Bell would ever be. And the Broncos used a series of screens and short pass plays to take away the Jets 3rd ranked pass rush. It was good game planning by Shana-tan, which makes you wonder how they lost to the Raiders.

Torry Hallelujah: Barring any flight delays, I should see everyone at 8:30 to deliver the eulogy for my 2008 fantasy football season.

Steve Stevens: Torry Hallelujah's second half nosedive is hard to watch...

Mr. T: It's actually pretty easy to watch for the rest of us. We could have a 4 team, 2 playoff spot situation coming up next week...

Marble Ryan: Meanwhile, take a look at what some former residents of Beijing are doing lately. Tom Jones and DeAngelo Williams are like the two best RBs in fantasy right now. Marble Ryan - the pre-eminent football mind of his generation. I will continue to defend the Tom Jones trade because it collected me wins that I wouldn't have gotten starting another QB. But, the DeAngelo for Kevin Smith trade is looking pretty atrocious.

Black Irish: Marble, you should really stay away from Lions running backs. All we heard the past two years was about your bullishness on Kevin Jones, and look how that turned out.

Mr. T: The #2 scoring RB in fantasy football is none other than Thomas Jones. Marble, what was that you were saying 3 weeks ago about you ripping me off in that trade? DeAngelo Williams is the #5 scoring RB. That trade was terrible. How in God's name are you the pre-eminent football mind of your generation if you’re trading away such players?

Marble Ryan: I'm the pre-eminent mind because I drafted those guys. I just had an emergency situation at the QB position that forced me to unload Jones, and I was too impatient to wait around for DeAngelo to pan out. Being impatient has cost me seasons before, but this time it just cost me a little margin of victory.

Mr. T: That's such nonsense because you were down on both guys when you traded them. Drafting them doesn't mean squat if you trade them away so easily. Your pre-eminence holds to all your decision making and that includes trading them away. It also includes what you thought about Kevin Smith, who I don't think will be scoring 4 TDs in a game anytime soon. Here’s a quote from September 9th.

Marble Ryan: I wasn’t going to trade Tom Jones for just anything. Its not like I
wanted to dump him at any cost, I just think he has limited upside – and still
do. He’ll be a solid RB2, but I need some more explosivity in my life.

Marble Ryan: Speaking of Tom Jones, anyone see that piece about his "physique" on NFL Countdown yesterday? That was hands down the gayest moment in ESPN history, easily beating anything that ever happened when they used to show figure skating. I thought Jones was going to start dancing in a thong, which would've gone straight into the Mr. T DVR spank bank.

Mr. T: Thomas Jones vs. SF in Week 14. Mr. T vs. Marble Ryan in Week 14. Just saying...

Mr. T: Btw, can we get a cheer for the Ken Dorsey era in Cleveland starting this weekend at Tennessee? Woo!

Steve Stevens: I don't even think Miami fans should make that "Woo!" His arm strength is embarrassing.

Marble Ryan: Maybe it's a positive for Braylon Edwards - Dorsey's feather-balls should be easier to catch.

Mr. T: I meant woo in terms of the better propositions. Marble’s lock of the week should be betting against Dorsey every week. Although Marble has correctly locked it up the last three weeks. Maybe Michael J. Cox should start getting scared...
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The Name Game

In honor of the segment of the same name on ESPN’s Fantasy Football Focus podcast, we’ve decided to take this Tuesday afternoon to have a little nominal fun of our own. The Name Game forces you to make a decision about which player you’d rather own from now until the end of the season. Standard scoring is assumed for all comparisons. Unfortunately we don’t have a fancy drop, so let’s go straight to our experts’ opinions.

Matt Cassel or Jay Cutler?

Marble Ryan: As good as Cassel has looked, I'd put my money on Cutler because of his talent. The supporting casts are a wash — I just think Cutler is the more capable athlete.

Black Irish: I’ll go with Cassel because it seems he's finally in sync with Moss. I buy what he's selling when he says he has been adjusting to game speed. He's been getting second team reps for years and now is finally seeing full first team reps and full game action. Compare this to guys like Matt Ryan and it makes sense he's hitting his stride now.

The Slow Eater: I know Cutler’s coming off a shitty game and Cassel just had a great one, but I still trust Cutler more. I also think opposing defenses are now going to be more prepared to not let Cassel beat them.

Steve Stevens: This is a tough one. I'm still not sold on Cassel, but Cutler is starting to look like monkey shit. Based on talent alone though, I'd stick with Cutler.

Torry Hallelujah: It’s Cassel and I don't think it's close.


Steve Slaton or DeAngelo Williams?

Black Irish: I’ll take Slaton. I like his big play ability.

The Slow Eater: I agree with Black Irish. I’m going with explosivity.

Steve Stevens: DeAngelo all the way on this one. Jonathan Stewart is hurt and it shows. How is DeAngelo Williams not explosive?

Marble Ryan: Anyone who says DeAngelo Williams is not explosive hasn't been watching football since October. This is the one that isn't even close — Williams is more talented, is on a better team, and has been playing better.

Torry Hallelujah: Williams has really impressed me this year. In each of his past four games, he's gone over 100 yards and scored at least once. I also wouldn't want to be counting on a rookie RB late in the season, even if he didn't exactly get a ton of early season carries.


Braylon Edwards or Laveranues Coles?

Marble Ryan: Edwards is the most disappointing player in fantasy this year, but
Coles has disappeared just as often. Again, I go with talent.

Black Irish: Uh, are you serious here? Braylon couldn't catch a beach ball if he wanted to. Plus he's got either Derek Anderson or a gimpy Brady Quinn throwing him the ball. It’s Coles hands down.

The Slow Eater: Even with all his drops, Braylon is getting a ton of targets per game. They're going to keep throwing him the ball because they know he's their best offensive weapon. You can't count on Coles to consistently put of points.

Steve Stevens: This is another tough one. Both are erratic but can put up major points any given week. Because Favre is playing great football, I'd go with Laveranues.

Torry Hallelujah: Please, gentlemen. The answer is Braylon — the guy just gets too many targets.
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The Name Game

In honor of the segment on ESPN’s Fantasy Football Focus podcast, we took this Tuesday afternoon to have a little fun of our own. The Name Game forces you to make a decision on which player you’d rather own from now until the rest of the season. Standard scoring is assumed for all comparisons. Unfortunately we don’t have a fancy drop, so let’s go straight to our experts’ opinions.

Tyler Thigpen (QB – KC) or Eli Manning (QB – NYG)

Marble Ryan: I’ll go with Thigpen. It’s crazy I know, but Eli still hasn't proven he can be a fantasy stud when it gets chilly. Thigpen has Oak, Den, and SD coming up on the schedule.

Black Irish: I agree with Thigpen for the same reasoning as Marble. Since their bye week, he's thrown 8 touchdowns and 1 interception. That’s not too shabby if you ask me.

The Slow Eater: Thigpen continues to be good and the Giants run the ball too damn well for Eli to put up big points in most weeks. Thigpen, however, is going to throw the ball 40 times a game, so he’s the one I’d choose.

Steve Stevens: I don't believe in Tyler Thigpen.


Brandon Jacobs (RB – NYG) or Matt Forte (RB – CHI)

Marble Ryan: I’ll take Jacobs here. Take a look at his numbers from the last few games in 2007. Late in the season, Coughlin loves to inflict a little pain with the big guy. If you're in the finals hunt, check his #s from Week 16 last year...

Black Irish: It’s Jacobs hands down. Forte has seen the end zone just twice since Week 7, and only one of those was a rushing touchdown

The Slow Eater: As much as it pains me, I guess I have to go with Jacobs because of his TD totals. I do think it's closer than people think, though. Forte puts up solid point totals even in weeks which he doesn't score because of his receiving skills. Jacobs’ value, however, is solely based on whether he finds the end zone or not. But he's been finding the end zone enough lately, so that doesn't matter.

Steve Stevens: What about the issue of Brandon Jacobs possibly not playing this week? For missing one week alone, I've gotta go with Forte.


Hines Ward (WR – PIT) or Lee Evans (WR – BUF)

Marble Ryan: Hines Ward is the answer. The winds are picking up in Buffalo, and Trent Edwards looks like he wants to go back to Cali. Hines will play till he's 40.

Black Irish: It’s Ward simply because Lee can go from a solid game to being completely invisible. At least Ward will give you fairly consistent yardage.

The Slow Eater: I’d lean to Evans. This one is pretty much a tossup so I'd go with the more talented receiver. Before his past 2 games of over 100 yards, Ward had 2 straight games with yards totals in the 30s. Either one can disappear for a game, but I think Evans has more upside.

Steve Stevens: The Steelers are going to be fighting for the division, and the Bills are falling apart. The weather is shit in both cities, but at least the Steelers have shown they can successfully function in bad weather. Plus Trent Edwards is starting to look like Shaun King.
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Scout's Take: In which we discuss fantasy karma, the lowest scoring team in the RGIOQB league, and Tim Hightower's decline

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after Goldman Sachs cut our bonuses, we had to fire them all. In their place are Black Irish, Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 11 action.

Mr. T: Eddie Royal had 34 receiving yards. That's the kind of consistency I'm looking for. Randy Moss had 26 yards and a TD. Tony Romo had 150 yards, 1 TD, and 2 INTs. Sammy Morris looked really great in warm-ups. Larry Fitzgerald had 10 catches for 151 yards. He's terrible. Thankfully for Marble, McGahee is entrenched in the East Coast version of the Denver Running Back Situation.

Steve Stevens: Also note that Julius Jones had -1 points. Bruno completely ripped me off in this trade, and I'd like to file a grievance.

Mr. T: You should've listened to Mr. T. I told you Jamal Lewis was worth it in the trade. So far the two RBs who have taken the most heat in this league are Lewis and Thomas Jones. Who leads the AFC in rushing yards? Thomas Jones. Who had 17 points again this week? Thomas Jones. Jamal has had 14 points in 3 of his last 5 games and another one with 90 yards. Maybe if he sneaks out a win tonight for Michael J. Cox, the people will realize they were wrong.

Marble Ryan: Fitz tore up Seattle, so I’m not all that surprised. Royal is averaging 13 PPG since I acquired him, that slightly better than my previous WR3, Ike Bruce. How'd he do? Moss for some reason was taking plays off on Thursday, but he showed his ability on that last catch. I'm fine letting him play his game and put up points when he feels like. As for Romo, it's his first game back, and he looked a lot better in the second half. I'm not worried about him. Think of the trade in terms of the guys I sold. I didn't want Mcgahee, Schaub, and Fitz on my team. Maybe it was rash to not want Fitz anymore, but there was a reason I didn't want the other two, and I got some good players for them, so I'm satisfied.

Mr. T: I still say you completely lucked out with Schaub. That's the karma talking with his injury. You still acquired a bunch of chicken shit and Ray Farmer just walked through that door.

Marble Ryan: Maybe I got lucky, but he was due to come back to earth. I'll continue to say this for the rest of the year: I could've traded Manning instead, since Schaub was playing much better at the time, but I would never have agreed to swap the two in the trade because Schaub was the guy to sell for me the whole time.

Mr. T: I’d also like to point out that Lafayette’s team snuck out another win.

Lafayette Gold: Dude, I won by 23 and was up 30 all afternoon so that is hardly "sneaking out a win." I knew I was playing Black Irish, so I took some risky chances... This was Moss and Hassllebeck’s first game back and next week I hope to get Reggie back. Also Moore has been a big pickup and step up from dead ass Holmes.

Mr. T: You scored 87 points. You played the team in the league with the least talent. And Moss didn't miss any games. Depending on What Lee Evans does tonight; you only scored more points than 2 or 3 teams this week. Your team is fucking terrible. Someone back me up here! I know everyone feels the same way.

Black Irish: I hope this is a joke: " I knew I was playing Black Irish, so I took some risky chances..." Uh, I've got a grand total of 2 wins (and 2 ties, but let's not go down that road).

Mr. T: Yeah I'd love to hear what kind of risks you took. I'm sure that Rhodes vs. Faulk decision took hours

Michael J. Cox: Yeah I mean the #s don't lie. Lowest total points in the league... That's pretty hard to defend...

Marble Ryan: Black Irish, it wasn't a joke. It meant your team is so bad that he could afford to put in some high upside guys to try to make a dent in the total points category, because he knew he didn't have to worry about the W. I did the same thing against Lehman Brothers this week when I started Jerious Norwood, figured even if he got 3 I'd be able to win, and if he got 20 I could pass someone in scoring..

Lafayette Gold: EXACTLY Marble! I knew this was an easy win so I took some chances and played my big guys who were still banged up so I could make up some ground on the overall points since I am in last place and I am reminded of it on a weekly friggn' basis... Also Mr. T, Washington was a better option than Rhodes or Faulk, since Reggie was scratched on Friday...

Mr. T: Yeah but who are Lafayette’s high upside, high risk guys? And Marble, I still can't believe you left Norwood on the bench for Kevin Smith. You're basically going against everything you said when you made the trade for Smith in the first place.

Marble Ryan: Yeah it was stupid, but I thought Norwood was good for a 60-yard td run against Denver. Oh well. No more moves like that for me... I'll be playing to win the game.

Mr. T: Marble, It's the price you pay for wanting explosivity. And Lafayette please! If you really wanted to play risky, you would've started Leon. But you learned after the previous week that Leon is not someone you start in fantasy leagues because he's not guaranteed anything. Maybe you start him during bye weeks when half your team is injured. But you're not even living up to your risk statement because you didn't play him.

Lafayette Gold: My risks were starting a probable Moss and Hasselbeck (Collins was a safer, better pick), but I knew the AZ secondary sucked and they both easily could have been out. Also I had Reggie in until Friday so I would say starting three players who were questionable or probable is risky. I was going for some explosivity punk since the win was a formality.

Mr. T: Does anyone else see explosivity in those decisions? Starting probable players isn't exactly risky.

The Slow Eater: Was the win really "a formality" against Black Irish? I mean, I know he's only won two games, but he averages more points than you do. With the lowest point total in the league I'm not sure you can say a win against anybody is a formality.

Mr. T: Haha! ZING! You have less points per game than Black Irish. That's kind of bad. I will say that if you take Matt's weekly winner out of there, his PPG is probably a lot less.

The Slow Eater: I'm going to speak in defense of Basketball on Grass... It's true that Lafayette’s team has scored the fewest points in the league and yet somehow remains in the playoff picture. This might make it tempting to say that his team has "gotten lucky" or been "a fluke" or is maybe even "a disgrace to all that is good and pure in this wonderful fantasy sport of ours." But I say that it is unfair. Not only is it unfair, but it is also inaccurate, because it overlooks the one quality that this team has shown time and time again this season. This is that it "knows how to win." This is a group of blue-collar guys whose contributions might not show up in the box score, but they do in the win-loss record. It is, in a word, inspirational. That or they've just gotten really fucking lucky.

Mr. T: That's the longest comment I've ever seen about such a marginal team. You just want them in the playoffs so you can smoke them in Round 1. You'd rather see him than Torry any day.

Torry Hallelujah: I think tonight is going to be a turning point for the KL Crew — my battle of Saratoga. If I pull this out I’m 6-4-1 with a game next week against the Z Team; if I lose I’m 5-5-1 and probably out of the playoffs. Like everything else in life, it all comes down to the Human Anvil.

Mr. T: Anchors away!

Torry Hallelujah: The new RBS to watch is in Arizona — J.J. Arrington was looking frisky yesterday. Anyone who made any trades based on the idea that Hightower could now be counted on as an RB1/2 is going to be sorely disappointed.

Mr. T: Hightower definitely tried to push too many runs to the outside yesterday. For a guy who is supposed to be strong in short yardage, he should try running between the tackles. He doesn't have the speed to get to the outside all the time. Arrington did a lot of his best work running right up the gut. It's kind of odd that Hightower hasn't scored TDs the last two weeks given how successful he was before getting the start job. Maybe he's not conditioned for it.
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Scout’s Take: In which we discuss a female gambling savant, Al Michaels’ constant allusions to the spread, Tony Romo’s broken pinky and Jay Cutler

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after heavily investing in an MLS franchise, we had to can them all. In their place are Black Irish, Bruno, Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 5 action.

Lafayette Gold: I’m not dead yet, bro... If Eli connects with Toomer for a couple of TDs tonight, I am back in biz. It’s definitely possible. Also, I can't believe the Bucs vs. Panthers defense is the difference here in my game with Torry. 21-0…ouch!

Mr. T: Dude, your chances of making this comeback are probably around 10-15%. News of the day is that Hasselbeck might not be back anytime soon. Apparently he needs more exams on his knee.

Lafayette Gold: Charlie Frye for MVP!

Mr. T: Good thing Berman picked the Seahawks to win the Super Bowl. I guess they're not a fan of leather. It seems like Seneca Wallace would get the nod next week if he's healthy. It's still kinda amazing how bad some of the back-up QBs are in this league. The funny part is that even if Julius Jones takes a fantasy downgrade because the Seattle passing game sucks, it doesn't look that bad off for that trade Steve Stevens and Bruno made last week. (ed. Steve Stevens traded Randy Moss to Bruno for Julius Jones before Week 6) Moss may never catch for 100 yards again this year with the way Cassel looked last night. I say we fully elect the Blondie’s hostess to pick the Marble Ryan Lock of the Week. Not only did she say to take the Chargers, but she liked the under too. Without the parlay, Marble would be down three times the vig through 6 weeks.

Michael J. Cox: That hostess knew way way too much about gambling for me. It was almost uncomfortable. Anytime a girl can give you 5+ spreads and 5+ over/unders off the top of her head there's a problem. I’ve never met a girl like that outside of the Las Vegas city limits. That conversation was almost surreal.

Mr. T: Most girls I know don't touch gambling and the few that do are more about poker or blackjack. I've never seen anything like it.

Torry Hallelujah: And the thing is, she has the right blend of knowledge and total stupidity to make her an incredible gambler. I have no doubt that she could out-pick everyone at our table.

Marble Ryan: My record’s not terrific, but having more correct picks than duds should let me keep my job. I don't want to rely on the hostess mostly because I really didn't enjoy talking to her yesterday. She's a strange person. Last night, I simply underestimated how bad Matt Cassel is, which is the same mistake made by the entire Pats front office, putting me in pretty good company, I’d say. I can't recall ever seeing Tom Brady go four and out at the goal line, even in his first year...his value has really been solidified this season.

Torry Hallelujah: Did you guys hear Al Michaels calling the last play of the game? Pats were down by a ton but called a timeout so they could throw into the end zone from the Chargers 15 or 20 yard line. “A certain portion of our audience is very interested in the outcome of this play.” And then, after the pass fell incomplete: “Well, it’s over...in one sense, but not the other.”

Mr. T: Yeah, I definitely heard that. I made a point of IMing someone to point it out. I knew the over was on the line. Me vs. the waitress...and she won...How about the 3 best QBs through 6 weeks...Rodgers, Rivers, And Brees. We definitely didn't see that coming? RBs go Portis, Bush, and Gore. Bush is on pace for those 20 TDs, but the guy can't run the ball for shit. 3.1 yards a carry? WTF IS THAT?!?

Michael J. Cox: By the way, Gmail just associated an ad for this site with our conversation. This probably isn't a good thing: http://www.dorseylevensreport.com

Mr. T: Breaking news: Romo’s out four weeks with a broken pinky. This has such a crazy fantasy impact. Everyone is downgraded. TO can't go long because Johnson doesn't have the arm. Witten was Romo's favorite target. Barber and Jones probably see less running room. And I've got Romo in 3 of 6 leagues. I have to decide between the likes of Kerry Collins, Gus Ferotte, and Matt Ryan going forward if I don't wanna deal with Johnson. Yikes!

Bruno: Anyone want to trade for him? I’m done – looks like Jamarcus Russell better step it up.

Michael J. Cox: What are the odds of a major TO & Brad Johnson dust up? Are they even taking those bets in Vegas?

Mr. T: Check out this from Rotoworld.com: Jay Cutler told The Sporting News that he has "a stronger arm than John (Elway), hands down. I'll bet on it against anybody's in the league," he said. "Brett Favre's got a cannon. But on game days, there's nobody in the league who's going to throw it harder than I am." Cutler also called Denver the favorite to win the AFC.

Steve Stevens: Is that the kind of cockiness you like or dislike from your QB?

Mr. T: Doesn't it remind you of this? http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2006/11/f-k-it-im-throwing-it-downfield.html

The Slow Eater: Also, I think Cutler is getting a little insecure about now being considered the #2 QB in the Chefs organization and felt the need to overcompensate by making that statement. Nonetheless, we encourage vocal confidence among our players, provided that they back it up on the field, and don't talk lots of shit and then go out and suck, or, as it's known in the Chefs locker room "pulling a Chad Johnson."

Mr. T: Since I always break the news: Dungy just admitted Manning had a second surgery on his knee in the offseason.

Michael J. Cox: Interesting. I remember before their first game they zoomed in on his knee during warm-ups and I thought it looked like the scar was a little big for a bursa sac surgery. This would make sense.

Mr. T: Little big for a bursa sac surgery? You been interning with Dr. James Andrews? And I got heckled for making hamstring comments a few weeks ago?? You're the guy that refuses to have surgery on a knee that has at least one torn ligament in there.

Michael J. Cox: Easy pal. Thanks to the geniuses who design majors at UF, I had to take numerous AT & medical science courses as part of my core track of courses, so this is actually something I have experience with. For one course we watched upwards of 20 knee surgery videos and then had to identify them for the final based on a short summary clip and before/after photos. In other words, when Dr. James Andrews retires I'll be taking over his practice.

Marble Ryan: Whatever, he's cured. Now it's time to go after Brady's record. Peyton is angry, my friends!

Mr. T: Like an old man trying to send soup back at a deli…

Black Irish: This is entirely unrelated, but I'd just like to point out that David Akers gave me more point production than AD and Wes Welker combined this week. Oy. I'm bracing myself for comments from Mr. T re: the Harrison/Anvil trade. (Ed. Mr. T traded Jamal Lewis, Marvin Harrison, and Kevin Walter to Michael J. Cox for Lee Evans and Darren McFadden before Week 6 in a widely debated deal.)

Mr. T: This is the only quote I need:

MichaelJCox: If I somehow make the playoffs it could be directly tied to this trade. I would definitely have lost this week.

Michael J. Cox: Yeah, and if Jamal somehow manages to win me the $20 tonight I think you can officially close the book on the bad trade argument. A much needed W plus a weekly winner? That = results....
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Scout’s Take: In Which We Discuss the Ineptitude of the Detroit Lions, Clinton Portis, and 75-yard field goals

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after betting heavily on Misty May to win Dancing with the Stars, we had to send them all packing. In their place are Black Irish, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 5 action.

Mr. T: It looks like Cousin Bowser's Lehman Brother is coming outta bankruptcy. The irony: if Schaub starts, Marble Ryan gets points from him, but probably less from Peyton as a result of Rosenfels’ meltdown.

Marble Ryan: Obviously, today's events in the market are keeping me from saying everything I want to, but I will say this: if I lose on a Lance Moore touchdown, I don't want to be friends with any of you anymore.

Mr. T: It would probably look abnormal if you were pounding out on your Blackberry at your desk as the market drops to its lowest levels in 4 years.

Torry Hallelujah: Should be quite the showdown tonight between the Crew and Los Chefes. I think Brees is going to have a big day but that he’s going to be good for one pick 6.

Mr. T: Steve’s very quiet over there. I think he feels like he's got no chance in hell of winning. And if Lance Moore can get me the 9 points I need, there's no way Marble Ryan is ever spending a autumn Saturday night sleepover in Brooklyn again.

Mr. T: Do we think it's effectively time to close the book on LJ? A friend of mine at work remarked how he wasn't really paying attention to the game at the bar, but noticed once that they flashed the game leaders for rushing and he saw Jamaal Charles up there with 18 yards. After thinking about it for a second, it hit him that LJ must not have even gotten to past 18 yards. I'm definitely kicking myself over here for not trading Johnson in my $$$ league for either Fitzgerald or a T. Jones and A. Gonzalez package. The guy is terrible. Michael J. Cox might have to smoke and mirrors his way to more wins without his first and second round picks.

Steve Stevens: I'm quiet because I don't think I have any chance, and I'm still bitter about how bad the Lions are. Peterson's gonna run all over NO's swiss cheese D. The only hope I have is if he gets shot or the Saints can't run the ball on the Vikes and throw every down. This is why I play in 4 leagues...

Black Irish: 2Girls1Cup = 1Guy4Leagues. BTW, has anyone heard if Trent Edwards is still alive?

Mr. T: I like 2Girls1Cup = 3Lions2Many. It's a good thing you didn't put down that NFC North bet on the Lions. Is anyone as excited for the Drew Stanton betting era as I am?

Torry Hallelujah: Yeah, that call about the Lions was just as bad as Michael J. Cox’s call about his QB situation (which prominently involved Aaron Brooks) two years ago.

Steve Stevens: I need a league-imposed bailout for investing too heavily in the Detroit Lions. Is this an option?

Mr. T: This league isn't a communist endeavor. It's a dictatorship if anything.

Torry Hallelujah: Hank Paulson ain’t walking t’ru dat door.

Mr. T: I'm not sure what's more embarrassing, losing to a team that sported TWO 0s in their starting lineup (Edwards and LenDale) or losing to a team who started Orton and Edwards at QB and left an able bodied Carson Palmer on the bench.

Torry Hallelujah: Anyone else see that Jim Zorn let Clinton Portis call a crucial 4th down play yesterday at the end of the game? This league is going in a crazy direction.

Mr. T: Just think how different this league would be if Michael J. Cox had taken Portis, I had drafted Brady and Barber, and traded them in the pre-draft agreement to Cousin Bowser for Steven Jackson and T.O.

The Slow Eater: I think this might be the most games we've ever had being decided during Monday Night Football. It's good stuff. Going into the night game last night my thinking was that as long as Roethlisberger was held to 15 or fewer points, I was in pretty good shape. That didn't happen. Also, I'm having flashbacks to last season when I lost to Torry during Monday Night Football on an onside recovery followed by a 50-yard Nick Folk field goal as time expired. I'm not sure if The Chefs have ever recovered from the emotional scars of that night.

Mr. T: Matt Prater for President. From Rotoworld.com: Broncos K Matt Prater says he will try a 64-yard field goal before the season is up. The NFL record is 63 yards. Prater hits 70-yarders in practice and has thin Mile High air on his side, so breaking the record seems likely if the opportunity comes. Prater is already 4-of-4 from 50+ yards this season.

Michael J. Cox: Too bad Lane Kiffin isn't coaching the Broncos—Prater could try one from 75+.
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Scout’s Take: In Which We Discuss Garbage Time Play-Calling, The Flex Position, and Kurt Warner's Turnovers

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after $700B bailout plan failed in the House vote, we had to send them all packing. In their place are Black Irish, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 4 action.

Marble Ryan: Lawrence Fishgerald is on the block for much needed running back help. With Anquan Boldin dead, anyone who needs a top 3 WR can get one for a little love in the backfield.

Torry Hallelujah: I hear Thomas Jones is available... (Ed. Marble Ryan traded Thomas Jones last week with Chad Pennington to Mr. T for Chris Perry and Matt Schaub.)

Mr. T: Who knew Matt Schaub wouldn't be your problem this week? And you were worried about trading for him. I like how you picked up Ryan Fitzpatrick thinking it'd be a boost to your QB situation. Gotta love 2 QB leagues. That situation with Boldin at the end of the Jets game was terrible. Why was the first team offense on the field?

Michael J. Cox: I watched this unfold and it was the most underrated story of the day by far. Anquan gets totally rocked with about 30 seconds to go in the game. There's about a 15 minute stoppage while they attend to him and cart him off on a stretcher to the waiting ambulance. At this point we've seen no movement at all from Anquan and I'm thinking there's a 50% chance that his career is over. Warner is leading both teams in prayer. The announcers are silent — pretty scary. Then after they get Aquan off the field, what does the genius Whisenhunt do? Puts Warner in the effing shotgun and starts throwing again to none other than Larry Fitzgerald over the middle! Just stunning. If I was the owner/GM/team prez, I would have considered firing him on the spot.

Mr. T: Yeah, what are you trying to do down that many points? Take a knee. Maybe this is an F-You from Whisenhunt to Boldin because he wants to be traded. Also, Leinart should've been in the game. Warner is such a fragile piece of shit that he could've gotten murdered out there passing on every down. If the Jets pass rush gets to you five times in the game, that's saying something. I'm surprised Kurt wasn't concussed.

Michael J. Cox: I'd almost think its the other way around. I think these receivers love putting up garbage time stats. Just backfired. Badly.

Slow Eater: I gotta say, right up until the injury I was thrilled that Boldin was getting garbage time points for The Chefs. And considering he's playing for a new contract, I bet Boldin was too. Looks like Chad Johnson has earned his way back into the starting lineup for me.

Marble Ryan: After the first quarter I thought both QBs were going to flirt with negative territory. That first Favre pick was hilarious. It looked like something he would've done when he was with the Falcons. And then the Reevis pick was one of the worst throws in Lig history I think. Warner threw a floater on a comeback route — that’s generally something QB coaches don't advise. Pure football comedy.

Michael J. Cox: Yeah, at halftime I was thinking about what it was going to be like having Matt Leinart starting for my team the rest of the year. Thankfully Kurt resurrected things in the 3rd quarter a bit and somehow gave me a decent day - 27 points in my other league even due to some spotty scoring settings. Six turnovers though....wow. How my team is looking at a potential 3-1 record is baffling though.

Marble Ryan: After the initial set of replays to the Fitz offer, I have to say I'm amazed at how over-valued the RB position is in our Lig. With our rosters forcing you to start three wide and Boldin going down, I would think 20 points a game from Fitz would garner some interesting offers, but the shit people have thrown at me is astounding.

Mr. T: It's not like Boldin died. He's only got a concussion. He'll be back after a week off.

Marble Ryan: Boldin just got a one way ticket to Wayne Chrebet-ville. It starts with the first concussion, and now he is compromised forever. He'll probably get a second one this year, and before you know it he'll be retiring. That hit was brutal. Like Guyte said, he very easily could have been dead. He might come back in two weeks, but even if he does he's tainted. That doesn't even begin to address the issue of how a #1 receiver in this Lig only gets you someone else's flex. I don't really get that...

Torry Hallelujah: It's too bad nobody came at you with Travis Henry and Donald Driver. You would've been all over that one. I don't think you can automatically assume that Fitz's production is going to go up that much. It's tough to play on an offense where you're the only threat. Reggie Wayne's numbers went up a little last year when Marv went out, but it's not like they doubled or anything.

Mr. T: Maybe it's called negotiating. You can't expect to receive Marion Barber as the first offer. Then again, who needs Fitz when you got Lance "Live Strong" Moore.

Torry Hallelujah: I had a hard time deciding which throw was worse, Favre's or Warner's. In the end, I think it was Favre's. Throwing the ball across your body from one side of the field to the other is basically the dumbest thing you can do from the quarterback position, short of throwing the ball straight up in the air, granny style, or handing it off to a defensive lineman and then blocking for him on his way to the end zone.

Michael J. Cox: The Warner pick on the 2 man rush was one of the 5 worst plays I've ever seen a QB make in my life.

Black Irish: Complete and total agreement. That looked like a play straight out of NES Playaction Football.

Marble Ryan: I wish we had tapes of some of your hung over performances in the Zogsports league. Warner's throw was bottom 5, but it's quite an accomplishment to throw three pick 6s in an 8 minute half.

Michael J. Cox: This is true. Thankfully no one's paying me $3M a year to play the position. I'd be happy to fumble and throw picks all day for even $1M. Too bad Marble Ryan isn't an NFL GM or else I might have had the chance....
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You Know Who You Should Start?

Trent Edwards & Lee Evans (QB, WR – BUF) You've got three top quarterbacks on the rag this week (The Brothers Manning and Matt Hasselbeck), and the Bills are going up against the Rams. St. Louis has some new blood coming in at corner this week in Jason Craft, who’s expected to get plenty of PT.

But seriously, let’s not overcomplicate this: it’s the Rams. Edwards will be going up top early, and the speedy Evans will have the Rams faithful drawing up “Fire Linehan” signs by halftime.

You Know Who You Should Also Start?

Dwayne Bowe (WR – KC) Little-known fact: D-Bowe leads the league in targets. Of course, when the guy targeting you is Tyler Thigpen, you’re not going be in a good position to catch the ball, but luckily Herm has come to his senses – or at least lost a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors with Carl Peterson) and has inked in Damon Huard as the starter this week. Also, the Broncos put up lots of points but can’t stop anybody, so the Chiefs should be throwing it around a lot.

Selvin Young (RB – DRBS) On the flip side of the Broncos-Chiefs matchup is Mr. Slim at the Waist. He’s still going to lose some carries to Michael Pittman and Andre Hall, but the Chiefs run defense is porous enough that SY could realistically rip off a long run or two.

J.T. O’Sullivan (QB – Mike Martz) Here’s a number for you: 585. That’s how many yards the Saints have given up in the air over the past two weeks against Jason Campbell and Jay Cutler. Air Martz, you have been cleared for take off. Flight attendants please take your seats – cross check.

Robert Meachem, Devery Henderson & Billy Miller (WR, TE – NO) The Saints are missing Colston, Shockey and possibly David Patten, making this motley crew attractive. Hey, someone has to pick up the slack. Brees has shown that he’s not afraid to spread the love when his go-to guy is out of the lineup. Out of these three, we like the Mitchum Man the most because of his big play potential. If he finds the end zone, Marble Ryan might have to be hospitalized with priapism.

...and for the Black Irish Bold Prediction of the Week:

Jamal Lewis (RB – CLE) Seriously? The Human Anvil?

Stay with me here. Let’s think about this logically:

1. The Human Anvil splits carries with no man.
2. The Cleveland passing attack is absolutely awful, so he'll undoubtedly be given the ball early and often.
3. The Bengals are ranked 28th against the run, giving up an average of 175 yards a game.

So go forth – start the Anvil with the confidence of a 17-year-old walking into the Hustler Club with his brother's fake ID (uh, not that we’ve ever done that). Just don't blame me if Brady Quinn comes in, lights the world on fire, and Lewis becomes an afterthought.

Black Irish out.

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Scout’s Take: In Which We Discuss Brian Westbrook’s Injury, Why Andre Hall Keeps Getting Carries, and Why No One Should Trade with Torry Hallelujah

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after blowing our savings betting on Marble Ryan’s Lock of the Week, we had to place them all on waivers. In their place are Black Irish, Marble Ryan, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 3 action.

Mr. T: Suddenly Steve Stevens’ team looks like it’s in serious trouble. Torry Hallelujah leaves Brown on the bench and watches Big Ben and Westbrook get hurt. And Cousin Bowser just changed his team name to Lehman Brothers, which lets you know how he feels about his season.

Steve Stevens: My team sucks balls. Pinning my hopes to the Detroit Lions looks like an Isiah-esque decision.

Torry Hallelujah: Hey, at least Clemson still looks like a lock for that national title bid. (Ed. Steve Stevens predicted Clemson to be an NCAA National Championship contender before the college football season began.)

Mr. T: Steve, you should’ve traded Moss when you had the chance. And now Rudi seems like he took over for Kevin Smith. “The Beej” got outgained by Derrick Ward. The whole system is breaking down!

Marble Ryan: Looks like I was about to make another season-ruining trade, only this time I got saved by my counter-party. And this Selvin Young thing is really getting out of hand. The Broncos were on national TV yesterday giving everyone the opportunity to see how bad Andre Hall is. He’s really terrible, and Young is awesome. I can understand giving Pittman short yardage – he’s a lot bigger and stronger than Young. But there is no reason to give Hall any carries except in emergency situations. I know the argument about trying to keep Young from being a marquee player and keep him cheap, but that’s BS. They turned Portis into a star and ended up getting Champ Bailey for him – I’d say it was worth it! Idiots!

Torry Hallelujah: You should change your team name to “Hanging from a String.”

Mr. T: Young’s YPC average is pretty intense. But how can you argue with Shana-tan when the team put up 34 points?? If anything he needs Young in there at safety. Fitzgerald is looking like a better WR than Moss right now. Sam Cassell was not getting it done at QB for New England on Sunday. Rotoworld said Moss was sitting by himself on the bench at times. Can we say Raiders revisited??

Steve Stevens: I can see Belichick going back to the drawing board this week and figuring out ways to get Moss more involved. That guy doesn’t take losing lightly. And Fitzgerald for Moss was never the issue. I was just not prepared to have Thomas Jones as my #1 back. Brandon Jacobs has been mediocre fantasy wise this season, but he is much more likely to get it done week in and week out than Thomas Jones. And…Clemson sucks...

Mr. T: At least with Jones you’re guaranteed 20 carries most weeks and that he’s not in any kinda time-share. With Earth, Wind, & Fire the Giants are about keeping everyone fresh. Plus they still haven’t played their games against the tougher Cowboys and Eagles defenses. Not saying it was a sure thing, but right now things aren’t looking good for Steve Stevens.

Marble Ryan: It doesn’t look good, although Moss was pretty chipper at the press conference. I think he’s betting on that 1-year contract for Drew Bledsoe, too. Cassel is garbage, and the Pats basically just quit yesterday. Thank god for this Colts bye...I need the real Manning if I’m going to have my annual 4th place finish. The real problem for Steve Stevens is Kevin Smith. It’s not even a time-share in Detroit, Rudi Johnson is now a feature back, people. I’m not going to put in a request for him though, that would violate my “say no to Detroit” policy.

Marble Ryan: Has Torry’s Ronnie Brown revelation officially been neutralized by the Westbrook fiasco? That’s like 4 straight years now Westbrook’s had an injury, although the past two he’s only missed one game. The law of averages states this one should be more serious.

Mr. T: I say Westbrook misses at least 3 games. As our resident injury specialist, I feel like I can give that diagnosis with a fair mind. That did not look pretty. (Ed. Westbrook has since been ruled day-to-day). I think Grant’s a major problem too. I know they just give him a nice contract, but he doesn’t look good out there, while some of the other backs are producing a little better.

Steve Stevens: I’m detecting an air of cockiness from the F-Team after its first win...

Black Irish: “Resident injury specialist” = bruises badly walking through a subway turnstile.

Mr. T: Yeah well if any of you clowns actually got off your butts and got some exercise into your lives, maybe you could comment on injuries. It’s hard to get injured on the couch while eating a box of Goldfish.

Marble Ryan: I advise a lig-wide halt on trading with Torry. With Brown and Marshall, you do not want to give this guy another weapon right now. Just putting it out there, we need a little collusion to save us all.

Black Irish: The situation with Torry Hallelujah should take care of itself. It’s only a matter of time till Marshall effs it up by holding up a Burger King or something.

Torry Hallelujah: Let’s be honest, I was a little too high on my team on Saturday, and even with the decision to bench RB23, things were looking just a bit too rosy for me. The Westbrook injury was a big dose of karma straight to my dome. Of course, none of this would be a problem if Ryan Grant were healthy, but that’s another issue.

Marble Ryan: Don’t listen to Torry!! He’s only pretending to not be high on his team now so he can fool one of you into giving him a top line WR for Roddy White and another inconsistent backup. I know from experience: do not trade with Torry. He’s ruthless.

Mr. T: Just because you’re the moron that traded AD for a time-share running back doesn’t mean we’re all dumb enough to do that.

Slow Eater: Let’s wait for Ronnie Brown to put together two good games in a row before we crown Torry Hallelujah. Ricky freaking Williams also averaged over 6 yards a carry yesterday. The Patriots D was just atrocious and the timeshare isn’t going away any time soon. And his number 1 RB and QB both went down. Don’t get me wrong, Torry’s looking strong, but we don’t need to resort to collusion just yet.
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You Know Who You Should Sit?

(Offense – CIN) Where to begin? Carson Palmer’s completion percentage is hovering right at 49%, and he has yet to throw a TD. I’d honestly rather have Vince Young, busted knee, mental instability and all, under center than Palmer at this point. Seriously, Carson. Get a hold of yourself already.

Chad Johnson is playing with a partially torn labia and TJ Hashmazilli has only caught 6 balls all season. The two have combined for exactly zero touchdowns. Chris Perry and his pencil-thin moustache are averaging a whopping 2.7 yards per carry. The Bengals’ longest play from scrimmage was a 36-yard reception by…wait for it…wait for it…waaaaait for it…DeDe Dorsey?!? What the fuck, Bengals.

Oh, and to top things off, they go up against the Giants this week. Somebody told me they have a pretty decent pass rush or something.

Save yourself an anxiety attack and bench their asses this week. Each and every one of them. If you don’t have any other options, well, I’ll go ahead and second Clubber Lang’s prediction: pain.

You Know Who You Should Also Sit?

Earnest Graham (RB – TB) Earn has been pretty impressive this year, but sit him on the road against a tough defense (Chicago) that will make Brian Griese beat them.

Matt Ryan (QB – ATL) Matty Ice! Last week’s performance was nothing short of pathetic. I know, I know – he “looked good” in Week 1. But let’s not forget that that performance came against the Lions. Ryan’s ass should be firmly planted on the fantasy pine until he’s able to show that he’s able to consistently put up at least mediocre numbers.

Larry Johnson (RB – KC) LJ has looked absolutely awful this year, and to top things off, now he’s whining about it. On the bright side, he plays on a team coached by Herm Edwards. Lawrence, please take your seat. It’s the one over there, right next to the Bigg Fogg cooling fan.
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Scout's Take

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after our Lehman stock got wiped out, we had to lay them all off. In their place are Black Irish, Mr. T, Marble Ryan, and Steve Stevens, who let us know what they took away from the Week 2 action.

Black Irish:
Dear Carson Palmer,
You’re dead to me.
Your pal,
Irish

Steve Stevens: If anyone’s interested, Randy Moss is on the block. I can see him becoming a cancer on my team with Matt Cassell throwing to him.

Marble Ryan: Oh yeah, count on Randy Moss mailing it in the rest of the season. No way he stays motivated without Brady barking at him.

Mr. T: Don’t forget that last year was Moss’s contract year. Michael J. Cox knew that when he drafted him last year. Brotha is getting paid now. The popcorn man might be the new #1 WR.

Marble Ryan: Also, can someone explain to me what is wrong with Mike Shanahan? I can understand playing Pittman at the goal line...he’s big and strong and a cagy vet. But what is the point of giving carries to Andre Hall? He’s not good! Selvin Young is ten times better — he should be getting 15 to 20 carries a game. Shanahan is such a stubborn jack ass! Andre Hall is garbage...anyone have an explanation for me??

Mr. T: When you’re slim at the waist, you can’t handle 20 carries a game — that’s how he got hurt last year. And it’s all scheme, so Shanahan can keep running in whoever. By keeping the carries down, the contract $ stays down, too. It doesn’t matter when you got Brandon Marshall, though. He was right on about 140 catches. Speaking as a premier touch football defensive back, couldn’t they possibly adjust the coverage? Most of his catches came on like 8 yards routes. Couldn’t San Diego just roll the safety over and run some press coverage with Cromartie? I mean, how many times can you give up that same play? I thought the Chargers’ secondary was supposed to be better than that.

Marble Ryan: Well, Marshall obviously made that statement after having some conversations with Shanahan and Cutler. They probably told him beforehand that he’d be getting fed the ball like a running back, so it’s not much of a prediction. To use a metaphor you might understand, Mr. T, it’s like telling your buddies you think you can bang a chick after she’s been sending you dirty text messages.

Mr. T: It’s all part of a larger plan. Shanahan can tell Marshall that because hisrap sheet is so long, he’ll never be able to get big guaranteed $$. To use a metaphor you can understand, it’s like paying $10 for a porno with a C level actress as opposed to paying like $30 for one with Tera Patrick. Sure, the C level actress has some red flags, but at the end of the day, she still makes all the plays you need her to make.

Marble Ryan: Except that Marshall isn't C level, he's one of the best receivers in The Lig. You are an idiot.

Mr. T: Change the C level to the new Jenna Jameson with her saggy body and deformed face. Those red flags = Marshall's multiple arrests. It's still a good porno in the Marble Ryan household. Rotoworld says Roy’s complaining about his role in the new Lions’ offense. Williams has six catches for 95 yards in two games so far.

Marble Ryan: He was regressing last year too...he basically has one good year under him, but he’s always been a prima donna...right now, he just doesn’t have to goods to compete with Bolt.

Mr. T: In Week 1, Calvin saw 10 looks and Roy only 5. Roy shouldn’t have talked up Bolt so much.
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RGFL 2008 Draft Review: The Lig Strikes Back

Mr. T couldn’t simply make his team the co-favorite to win it all without hearing it from the rest of us. Read below to see what transpired over email after he circulated his “objective” draft review. As you can see, things got a little personal between Mr. T and Michael J. Cox toward the end. Enjoy.

Black Irish (10:13 a.m.): A shocking revelation – the guy who made the odds picked his team as a co-favorite to win it all. I’m floored.

Mr. T (10:14 a.m.): I produce results, my friend: 6 teams last year, 5 playoff berths. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be co-favorite. And the people agree:

SteveStevensCanes: i dig your team
RoxetteHoover: you have a good team too
CCWriterSupreme: solid draft for you
HockeyRob: I like that squad a lot.

Michael J. Cox (10:22 a.m.): Touting Roxette’s opinion of your fantasy team, eh? Was Michelle Tafoya unavailable?

Mr. T (10:23 a.m.): Stephania Bell wouldn’t return my calls…

Torry Hallelujah (10:35 a.m.): Decent squad, but I’m put him at no better than 7-1 given the QB weakness. And the fact is, he could’ve drafted Garbage Johnson with his first round pick — he still would’ve put himself at 5-1.

Black Irish (10:39 a.m.): Yeah, Matt Schaub is really going to lead the A-Team to the promised land. Nice.

Steve Stevens (10:40 a.m.): I wouldn’t sleep on Matt Schaub this year. Top 10 fantasy QB for ‘08, book it. I think The A-Team’s RB situation is a little rough, though – I can see Jamal Lewis and Portis starting the older RB tailspin this year.

Mr. T (10:40 a.m.): I’d like to point out Yahoo’s scoring projection for Week 1:
The A-Team 109, Full Retard 88
See you on the field big guy. Tell Chia Garcheeea I’m waiting for him.

Michael J. Cox (10:45 a.m.): I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I’m ready to pack it in and just hand Mr. T the money right now. Between Roxette’s analysis and Yahoo’s Week 1 score projection, I think it’s pretty clear we’re all pretty much playing for second at this point. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news...

Mr. T (10:46 a.m.): Sorry, I can’t hear you guys – my championship ring is blocking out all the outside noise.

Michael J. Cox (10:51 a.m.): That’s good, because we’re all still laughing about your last place finish 2 years ago. Wouldn’t want you to hear that. Might hurt your feelings.

Mr. T (10:52 a.m.): I’m pretty sure it’s more profitable to finish first and last in alternating years than in the middle of the pack two years in a row. Maybe you can do the math for me. Or maybe we can have your boy Kevin Curtis do it – he’s got a lot of free time on his hands right now. (ed: Michael J. Cox drafted Kevin Curtis in the 9th round of the Rex Grossman Fantasy League draft. Curtis is out indefinitely after undergoing surgery to treat a sports hernia.)

Michael J. Cox (10:59 a.m.): Yes, unfortunately my employer expects more than 15 minutes worth of work from me each week, so staying up to date on the injury status of the likes of Kevin Curtis is sometimes difficult. And thankfully I’m not relying on fantasy football for profitability, but then again I’m also not on the 20-year plan to become a GM.

Mr. T (11:00 a.m.): What about Steve Stevens? His to-do list is as long as a BBC, but he knew that Kevin Curtis was injured. What’s your jab at him?

Michael J. Cox (11:07 a.m.): My familiarity with both Steve’s to-do list and BBCs is pretty low, so it’s hard to comment on that one, but all these shots I’m taking for poor draft preparation really hurt! I’m sure glad I don’t play in 8 leagues like some of the real fantasy douches out there, or else I’d be in pretty bad shape over this.

Mr. T (11:08 a.m.): You’re wasting a lot of time talking smack for a guy who claims he doesn’t care that much about fantasy football...

Michael J. Cox (11:09 a.m.): Who said you have to be obsessed with fantasy football to talk smack about it? Isn’t that the whole point?
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