Scouts’ Take: In which we discuss the implications of a Monday Night Football showdown, Joseph Addai’s disappearance, and fantasy collusion

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after attempting to save Tribune Co. by buying up copies of the Hartford Courant, we had to fire them all. In their place are Cousin Bowser, Lafayette Gold, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 14 action.

Mr. T: Michael J. Cox’s fate lies in the hands of Warrick Dunn. Lafayette couldn't seize the day and now waits to see whether he can back in.

Lafayette Gold: Mr. T, let’s hear your odds on Dunn coming through with 8 pts tonight.

Mr. T: A few things to consider here:

• In their first game, Tampa rushed for 142 yards. Dunn himself had 115 rushing and 18 receiving
• Carolina is allowing 112.8 yards per game on the ground
• In home games, Carolina has allowed the following fantasy points to starting RBs: 11, 5, 0, 5, 7, and 13
• In road games, Tampa has scored the following fantasy points with their starting RBs: 11, 5, 7, 6, 8, 18
• I'm pretty sure Tampa only has one road rushing TD this year and that was against the Lions, so it doesn't count

With all that said, I think the odds of Dunn scoring 8 or more points are 50%. Normally I'd think they'd be higher, but Dunn was on my hate list this week because I never like the road teams in these NFC South games (for an example, just take a look at yesterday's Saints/Falcons game).

The Slow Eater: ESPN’s fantasy projections are a joke, but if Dunn gets a couple receptions to go with his carries, he should be good to top 80 yards. Based on this weekend’s performance, I think I might have screwed myself for the playoffs by not holding out on moving out of my parent’s house for another month. Also, and most importantly, if Torry Hallelujah remembers to sit Delhomme on the bye in Week 9, he makes the playoffs. Let this never be forgotten.

Torry Hallelujah: I thought we determined that I still would’ve lost even if I’d started Delhomme? Oh well, at least I was able to wrench a weekly winner out of it.

Mr. T: Nope, I just looked. You lost by 16 and Frerrote had 17. The price paid for explosivity might be $480. And I'm sorry, as you'll most likely admit, there's absolutely no reason to not field a starting lineup when you have a whole week to make the change. There's no excuse that makes sense unless you're out of the country and devoid of internet, but in that case you can at least change out your bye week players a week in advance...

Mr. T: I thought it was ironic that in the week I need to beat Marble Ryan to make the playoffs, Thomas Jones scores 12 points, Matt Schaub scores 24, Fitzgerald scores 13 to Boldin's 6, Randy Moss scores 5, Romo scores 4, Eddie Royal scores 5, and Sammy Morris scores 9.

Mr. T: In other news, Peyton Hillis might be done for the year. It seems like no one can stay healthy in that Broncos backfield. And after Westbrook's performance yesterday, Addai creeps back up into most disappointing first round pick conversation.

Lafayette Gold: Addai killed me yesterday — he should have had a field day with the Bengals D. The Colts win 35-3 and I got 7 friggin' points total from Addai and Wayne! I am now the new president of the Warrick Dunn fan club!

Mr. T: Does anyone remember all the trash Marble Ryan was talking during the early games yesterday? And I kept telling him none of my players had played yet...

Lafayette Gold: Mr. T, lets be honest: you can thank the Colts defense for your clincher. 26 points! Wow! That is Raven-like.

Mr. T: That's something called roster management — picking up a defense with two favorable matchups coming up. Maybe Torry can take a lesson from this. But to balance out the Colts’ positive outing, I had the Evans, Colston, and Portis six-point combination. That's life, that's fantasy football…

Lafayette Gold: I find it funny Mr. T is promoting his Colts defense move and ripping Addai, but he never has given props for the key mid-season pickup of the Ravens D. That move won me a couple of games while my team was all banged up.

Mr. T: I didn't feel the need to pat you on the back for picking up a successful defense because your team is such a juggernaut without them. They fit right in with the all the talent on the roster.

The Slow Eater: Speaking of the Hillis injury, I now can stop kicking myself for dropping him the week before he became the starter. At least that probably won't be the reason I lose in the playoffs.

Mr. T: I'm very grateful for the one week Hillis provided my squad. After seeing what Tashard Choice did against the Steelers, I now have faith in him to carry the load if Barber is unable to suit up.

Mr. T: Slow Eater, where's your promotion of Lafayette’s team today? I expected more of a smoke blowing from you given that your playoff opponent is yet to be decided...

The Slow Eater: I don't want to say anything that could potentially jinx the outcome. I'm just going to say that I'll be watching Warrick Dunn's performance very closely tonight.

Mr. T: It's only fitting that I face Marble Ryan after everything that happened this year. Let the games begin!

Cousin Bowser: I'd like to steer the conversation in a different direction for a second. We all know that I have adamantly spoken against schedule unfairness this whole season. Aside from the fact that I had to play 4 weekly winners (and would have myself been the weekly winners of two of those weeks had my opponent not beaten me), I think it is absurd that the team that has scored the lowest point total has even the slightest chance of making the playoffs. I haven't contributed to the Basketball on Grass bashing that has gone on this whole season, but now as I sit looking at tonight's matchup, on the eve of the start of the playoffs, I can't help but wonder if I should take it upon myself to make sure that Lafayette doesn't make the playoffs by sitting Warrick Dunn tonight. That said, and considering that I obviously wouldn't really do that (because I think he's good for 60 points tonight and a $20 WW prize), what do you think the actions of the collective league would be if:

1. I sat him out of spite for Lafayette
2. I sat him in exchange for Michael J. Cox funding a small piece of my overall loser fee

We've never really had this kind of scenario before. What are your thoughts on this?

Mr. T: My friend at work told me a while back that his league institutes a policy that you need to play a full lineup every week. In the same way you couldn’t bench the Giants D to guarantee a win, you couldn't bench someone to guarantee a loss. I say let Dunn play and let nature take its course.

The Slow Eater: While it might be tempting to sit him out of spite, doing it would be collusion between you and Michael J. Cox (even if Cox had nothing to do with it, and especially if MJC agreed to pay some of your loser's fee). Collusion is one of the few things expressly forbidden in fantasy leagues. The whole reason we put in the weekly winner prize and the loser's fee is so everyone would be trying their hardest to win every week and people wouldn't quit before the season was over. You have to play to win, especially in a league among friends. Play Dunn. It's very possible the karmic gods we'll reward you by having his leg ripped off on the opening drive.

Lafayette Gold: That would be pretty harsh considering I didn’t make the schedule or set the rules.... In my old league I actually tied the championship game and according to ESPN, total points was the tie breaker (in this league I was actually first in total points) and the commish was bush league and decided to overrule ESPN and set bench points tie breaker so I got nothing.

The Slow Eater: Mr. T, what's the tiebreaker system for our league set at? Considering how many freaking ties we've had in the league this year, it coming up in the playoffs is a definite possibility.

Mr. T: It’s total TDs that week by your starting roster and then QB points. Load the buses!
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Scout's Take: In which we discuss fantasy karma, the lowest scoring team in the RGIOQB league, and Tim Hightower's decline

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after Goldman Sachs cut our bonuses, we had to fire them all. In their place are Black Irish, Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 11 action.

Mr. T: Eddie Royal had 34 receiving yards. That's the kind of consistency I'm looking for. Randy Moss had 26 yards and a TD. Tony Romo had 150 yards, 1 TD, and 2 INTs. Sammy Morris looked really great in warm-ups. Larry Fitzgerald had 10 catches for 151 yards. He's terrible. Thankfully for Marble, McGahee is entrenched in the East Coast version of the Denver Running Back Situation.

Steve Stevens: Also note that Julius Jones had -1 points. Bruno completely ripped me off in this trade, and I'd like to file a grievance.

Mr. T: You should've listened to Mr. T. I told you Jamal Lewis was worth it in the trade. So far the two RBs who have taken the most heat in this league are Lewis and Thomas Jones. Who leads the AFC in rushing yards? Thomas Jones. Who had 17 points again this week? Thomas Jones. Jamal has had 14 points in 3 of his last 5 games and another one with 90 yards. Maybe if he sneaks out a win tonight for Michael J. Cox, the people will realize they were wrong.

Marble Ryan: Fitz tore up Seattle, so I’m not all that surprised. Royal is averaging 13 PPG since I acquired him, that slightly better than my previous WR3, Ike Bruce. How'd he do? Moss for some reason was taking plays off on Thursday, but he showed his ability on that last catch. I'm fine letting him play his game and put up points when he feels like. As for Romo, it's his first game back, and he looked a lot better in the second half. I'm not worried about him. Think of the trade in terms of the guys I sold. I didn't want Mcgahee, Schaub, and Fitz on my team. Maybe it was rash to not want Fitz anymore, but there was a reason I didn't want the other two, and I got some good players for them, so I'm satisfied.

Mr. T: I still say you completely lucked out with Schaub. That's the karma talking with his injury. You still acquired a bunch of chicken shit and Ray Farmer just walked through that door.

Marble Ryan: Maybe I got lucky, but he was due to come back to earth. I'll continue to say this for the rest of the year: I could've traded Manning instead, since Schaub was playing much better at the time, but I would never have agreed to swap the two in the trade because Schaub was the guy to sell for me the whole time.

Mr. T: I’d also like to point out that Lafayette’s team snuck out another win.

Lafayette Gold: Dude, I won by 23 and was up 30 all afternoon so that is hardly "sneaking out a win." I knew I was playing Black Irish, so I took some risky chances... This was Moss and Hassllebeck’s first game back and next week I hope to get Reggie back. Also Moore has been a big pickup and step up from dead ass Holmes.

Mr. T: You scored 87 points. You played the team in the league with the least talent. And Moss didn't miss any games. Depending on What Lee Evans does tonight; you only scored more points than 2 or 3 teams this week. Your team is fucking terrible. Someone back me up here! I know everyone feels the same way.

Black Irish: I hope this is a joke: " I knew I was playing Black Irish, so I took some risky chances..." Uh, I've got a grand total of 2 wins (and 2 ties, but let's not go down that road).

Mr. T: Yeah I'd love to hear what kind of risks you took. I'm sure that Rhodes vs. Faulk decision took hours

Michael J. Cox: Yeah I mean the #s don't lie. Lowest total points in the league... That's pretty hard to defend...

Marble Ryan: Black Irish, it wasn't a joke. It meant your team is so bad that he could afford to put in some high upside guys to try to make a dent in the total points category, because he knew he didn't have to worry about the W. I did the same thing against Lehman Brothers this week when I started Jerious Norwood, figured even if he got 3 I'd be able to win, and if he got 20 I could pass someone in scoring..

Lafayette Gold: EXACTLY Marble! I knew this was an easy win so I took some chances and played my big guys who were still banged up so I could make up some ground on the overall points since I am in last place and I am reminded of it on a weekly friggn' basis... Also Mr. T, Washington was a better option than Rhodes or Faulk, since Reggie was scratched on Friday...

Mr. T: Yeah but who are Lafayette’s high upside, high risk guys? And Marble, I still can't believe you left Norwood on the bench for Kevin Smith. You're basically going against everything you said when you made the trade for Smith in the first place.

Marble Ryan: Yeah it was stupid, but I thought Norwood was good for a 60-yard td run against Denver. Oh well. No more moves like that for me... I'll be playing to win the game.

Mr. T: Marble, It's the price you pay for wanting explosivity. And Lafayette please! If you really wanted to play risky, you would've started Leon. But you learned after the previous week that Leon is not someone you start in fantasy leagues because he's not guaranteed anything. Maybe you start him during bye weeks when half your team is injured. But you're not even living up to your risk statement because you didn't play him.

Lafayette Gold: My risks were starting a probable Moss and Hasselbeck (Collins was a safer, better pick), but I knew the AZ secondary sucked and they both easily could have been out. Also I had Reggie in until Friday so I would say starting three players who were questionable or probable is risky. I was going for some explosivity punk since the win was a formality.

Mr. T: Does anyone else see explosivity in those decisions? Starting probable players isn't exactly risky.

The Slow Eater: Was the win really "a formality" against Black Irish? I mean, I know he's only won two games, but he averages more points than you do. With the lowest point total in the league I'm not sure you can say a win against anybody is a formality.

Mr. T: Haha! ZING! You have less points per game than Black Irish. That's kind of bad. I will say that if you take Matt's weekly winner out of there, his PPG is probably a lot less.

The Slow Eater: I'm going to speak in defense of Basketball on Grass... It's true that Lafayette’s team has scored the fewest points in the league and yet somehow remains in the playoff picture. This might make it tempting to say that his team has "gotten lucky" or been "a fluke" or is maybe even "a disgrace to all that is good and pure in this wonderful fantasy sport of ours." But I say that it is unfair. Not only is it unfair, but it is also inaccurate, because it overlooks the one quality that this team has shown time and time again this season. This is that it "knows how to win." This is a group of blue-collar guys whose contributions might not show up in the box score, but they do in the win-loss record. It is, in a word, inspirational. That or they've just gotten really fucking lucky.

Mr. T: That's the longest comment I've ever seen about such a marginal team. You just want them in the playoffs so you can smoke them in Round 1. You'd rather see him than Torry any day.

Torry Hallelujah: I think tonight is going to be a turning point for the KL Crew — my battle of Saratoga. If I pull this out I’m 6-4-1 with a game next week against the Z Team; if I lose I’m 5-5-1 and probably out of the playoffs. Like everything else in life, it all comes down to the Human Anvil.

Mr. T: Anchors away!

Torry Hallelujah: The new RBS to watch is in Arizona — J.J. Arrington was looking frisky yesterday. Anyone who made any trades based on the idea that Hightower could now be counted on as an RB1/2 is going to be sorely disappointed.

Mr. T: Hightower definitely tried to push too many runs to the outside yesterday. For a guy who is supposed to be strong in short yardage, he should try running between the tackles. He doesn't have the speed to get to the outside all the time. Arrington did a lot of his best work running right up the gut. It's kind of odd that Hightower hasn't scored TDs the last two weeks given how successful he was before getting the start job. Maybe he's not conditioned for it.
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Scout’s Take: In which we discuss a trade of the emergence of Matt Schaub, Jamal Lewis' consistency, and the ghost of Santonio Holmes

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after blowing all of our money at Gray's Papaya, we had to fire them all. In their place are Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Mr. T, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 8 action.

Mr. T: I'm willing to finally take some heat for the Schaub/Jones trade now that it looks like JTO has lost his job. I should've let nature take its course. You wanted JTO more than Schaub, I should've let you have him. And I still would've been able to get Tom Jones. Sometimes you gotta let the animals control the zoo. I still contest it's not a bad trade on my part. I have no problem with Jones. He's produced well the last three weeks. If only the Jets had a half decent offensive coordinator who didn't let Favre throw all the time. And the Anvil netted me Lee Evans, who has been consistent. I still can't believe Michael J. Cox stroked me with 137 though. Wow.

Marble Ryan: You only look bad in the trade because you refused to give up JTO. It's not just that JTO has lost his job, but Schaub is averaging about 25 ppg since he relocated to Beijing. I can't take credit since I basically begged you for JTO and only capitulated for Schaub since I was desperate. It's a bad trade for you because your QB situation is the worst in the Lig. Favre is going to retire mid-season and your #2 has been benched. I don't even know who else you have, but I don't think you can make the playoffs with that QB situation and a WR situation that isn't much better...

Mr. T: Yep. Like I said, I should've let you get what you wanted. Schaub's had the luck of a really cushy midseason schedule. We'll see what happens once he starts facing tougher defenses. Minnesota this week should be good for him, but then Baltimore and Indy should clamp down a little.

Mr. T: I still say Steve Stevens made the bigger mistake trading Moss for Julius Jones. Jones has rushed for 61, 44, 42, and 9 in the last 4 games. He doesn't get the goal line carries. And Steve could've had Jamal Lewis from me, but he chose Jones instead. Say what you want about the anvil, but he's pretty damn consistent. Michael J. is learning that now...

Marble Ryan: The Anvil is consistent. But no one wants to own him. How could you, it's so unglamorous? Owning the Anvil is like dating an unfortunate looking woman who's always cooking for you and giving you back rubs and generally treating you very nicely.

Mr. T: You do realize he scored more points this week than Portis, Barber, Slaton, McGahee, Jacobs, Graham, Turner, Brown, and MJD. That's a pretty nice back rub.

Lafayette Gold: How bout that money Holmes for Rhodes trade by the A-Team last week?

Mr. T: Dude it’s one week and Rhodes hasn't even played his game yet. You've now unleashed yourself to receive numerous emails when Holmes breaks out his 130-yard and 2 TD effort against San Diego in Week 11.

Marble Ryan: Yeah Lafayette, you better take that kind of talk down a notch, lest the fantasy gods strike you down with a Dom Rhodes sports hernia and a Santonio Holmes explosion all over the Lig. In fact, for the sake of the rest of the Lig, I think all ragging on Mr. T should be suspended until his team falls to 4-6.

Mr. T: I'd like to point out that I also play Lafayette next week. Just saying.

Torry Hallelujah: Have any of you guys realized that the Panthers are 6-2? Reading MMQB, and Peter King has them fourth in his power poll. What’s going on in this league, people?

Torry Hallelujah: Also: Roddy White is a man.

Mr. T: I think the Chargers regain the crown as most inconsistent team in football. And how about dem GIANTS!!!

Marble Ryan: I think the water pill issue is ridiculous. The ingredient isn't on the bottle! How do you suspend someone four games for that?! You can't expect players to take every supplement they take to the trainer when they probably just looked at the ingredients and thought they were cool. On countdown Mortensen said Goodell will argue they should've gotten the pills analyzed, like in Seinfeld when they took the frozen yogurt to the lab. What a joke.

Marble Ryan: What do you think the ratings would be like on a Panthers-Titans Super Bowl? Would that have any impact at all or is the Super Bowl small market proof?

Mr. T: I'm sure it'd be no Giants/Patriots, but it can't be any worse than Oakland/Tampa Bay or St. Louis/Tennessee.

Torry Hallelujah: I think that worse than the locale of those teams is the fact that neither team has any real superstars. Steve Smith isn’t what he used to be, the QBs are both marginal, and the RBs all split carries.

Mr. T: Smith is still pretty good. You should've seen his long TD yesterday. Nice tightrope job on the sideline.

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Scout’s Take: In which we discuss a female gambling savant, Al Michaels’ constant allusions to the spread, Tony Romo’s broken pinky and Jay Cutler

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after heavily investing in an MLS franchise, we had to can them all. In their place are Black Irish, Bruno, Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 5 action.

Lafayette Gold: I’m not dead yet, bro... If Eli connects with Toomer for a couple of TDs tonight, I am back in biz. It’s definitely possible. Also, I can't believe the Bucs vs. Panthers defense is the difference here in my game with Torry. 21-0…ouch!

Mr. T: Dude, your chances of making this comeback are probably around 10-15%. News of the day is that Hasselbeck might not be back anytime soon. Apparently he needs more exams on his knee.

Lafayette Gold: Charlie Frye for MVP!

Mr. T: Good thing Berman picked the Seahawks to win the Super Bowl. I guess they're not a fan of leather. It seems like Seneca Wallace would get the nod next week if he's healthy. It's still kinda amazing how bad some of the back-up QBs are in this league. The funny part is that even if Julius Jones takes a fantasy downgrade because the Seattle passing game sucks, it doesn't look that bad off for that trade Steve Stevens and Bruno made last week. (ed. Steve Stevens traded Randy Moss to Bruno for Julius Jones before Week 6) Moss may never catch for 100 yards again this year with the way Cassel looked last night. I say we fully elect the Blondie’s hostess to pick the Marble Ryan Lock of the Week. Not only did she say to take the Chargers, but she liked the under too. Without the parlay, Marble would be down three times the vig through 6 weeks.

Michael J. Cox: That hostess knew way way too much about gambling for me. It was almost uncomfortable. Anytime a girl can give you 5+ spreads and 5+ over/unders off the top of her head there's a problem. I’ve never met a girl like that outside of the Las Vegas city limits. That conversation was almost surreal.

Mr. T: Most girls I know don't touch gambling and the few that do are more about poker or blackjack. I've never seen anything like it.

Torry Hallelujah: And the thing is, she has the right blend of knowledge and total stupidity to make her an incredible gambler. I have no doubt that she could out-pick everyone at our table.

Marble Ryan: My record’s not terrific, but having more correct picks than duds should let me keep my job. I don't want to rely on the hostess mostly because I really didn't enjoy talking to her yesterday. She's a strange person. Last night, I simply underestimated how bad Matt Cassel is, which is the same mistake made by the entire Pats front office, putting me in pretty good company, I’d say. I can't recall ever seeing Tom Brady go four and out at the goal line, even in his first year...his value has really been solidified this season.

Torry Hallelujah: Did you guys hear Al Michaels calling the last play of the game? Pats were down by a ton but called a timeout so they could throw into the end zone from the Chargers 15 or 20 yard line. “A certain portion of our audience is very interested in the outcome of this play.” And then, after the pass fell incomplete: “Well, it’s over...in one sense, but not the other.”

Mr. T: Yeah, I definitely heard that. I made a point of IMing someone to point it out. I knew the over was on the line. Me vs. the waitress...and she won...How about the 3 best QBs through 6 weeks...Rodgers, Rivers, And Brees. We definitely didn't see that coming? RBs go Portis, Bush, and Gore. Bush is on pace for those 20 TDs, but the guy can't run the ball for shit. 3.1 yards a carry? WTF IS THAT?!?

Michael J. Cox: By the way, Gmail just associated an ad for this site with our conversation. This probably isn't a good thing: http://www.dorseylevensreport.com

Mr. T: Breaking news: Romo’s out four weeks with a broken pinky. This has such a crazy fantasy impact. Everyone is downgraded. TO can't go long because Johnson doesn't have the arm. Witten was Romo's favorite target. Barber and Jones probably see less running room. And I've got Romo in 3 of 6 leagues. I have to decide between the likes of Kerry Collins, Gus Ferotte, and Matt Ryan going forward if I don't wanna deal with Johnson. Yikes!

Bruno: Anyone want to trade for him? I’m done – looks like Jamarcus Russell better step it up.

Michael J. Cox: What are the odds of a major TO & Brad Johnson dust up? Are they even taking those bets in Vegas?

Mr. T: Check out this from Rotoworld.com: Jay Cutler told The Sporting News that he has "a stronger arm than John (Elway), hands down. I'll bet on it against anybody's in the league," he said. "Brett Favre's got a cannon. But on game days, there's nobody in the league who's going to throw it harder than I am." Cutler also called Denver the favorite to win the AFC.

Steve Stevens: Is that the kind of cockiness you like or dislike from your QB?

Mr. T: Doesn't it remind you of this? http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2006/11/f-k-it-im-throwing-it-downfield.html

The Slow Eater: Also, I think Cutler is getting a little insecure about now being considered the #2 QB in the Chefs organization and felt the need to overcompensate by making that statement. Nonetheless, we encourage vocal confidence among our players, provided that they back it up on the field, and don't talk lots of shit and then go out and suck, or, as it's known in the Chefs locker room "pulling a Chad Johnson."

Mr. T: Since I always break the news: Dungy just admitted Manning had a second surgery on his knee in the offseason.

Michael J. Cox: Interesting. I remember before their first game they zoomed in on his knee during warm-ups and I thought it looked like the scar was a little big for a bursa sac surgery. This would make sense.

Mr. T: Little big for a bursa sac surgery? You been interning with Dr. James Andrews? And I got heckled for making hamstring comments a few weeks ago?? You're the guy that refuses to have surgery on a knee that has at least one torn ligament in there.

Michael J. Cox: Easy pal. Thanks to the geniuses who design majors at UF, I had to take numerous AT & medical science courses as part of my core track of courses, so this is actually something I have experience with. For one course we watched upwards of 20 knee surgery videos and then had to identify them for the final based on a short summary clip and before/after photos. In other words, when Dr. James Andrews retires I'll be taking over his practice.

Marble Ryan: Whatever, he's cured. Now it's time to go after Brady's record. Peyton is angry, my friends!

Mr. T: Like an old man trying to send soup back at a deli…

Black Irish: This is entirely unrelated, but I'd just like to point out that David Akers gave me more point production than AD and Wes Welker combined this week. Oy. I'm bracing myself for comments from Mr. T re: the Harrison/Anvil trade. (Ed. Mr. T traded Jamal Lewis, Marvin Harrison, and Kevin Walter to Michael J. Cox for Lee Evans and Darren McFadden before Week 6 in a widely debated deal.)

Mr. T: This is the only quote I need:

MichaelJCox: If I somehow make the playoffs it could be directly tied to this trade. I would definitely have lost this week.

Michael J. Cox: Yeah, and if Jamal somehow manages to win me the $20 tonight I think you can officially close the book on the bad trade argument. A much needed W plus a weekly winner? That = results....
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You Know Who You Should Start?

Kyle Orton (QB – CHI) It's gotta be the beard. Or maybe he finally put down that bottle of Jack. Whatever it is, there's finally a quarterback in Chicago actually worth starting on your fantasy team – at least for this week. If Aaron Rodgers and his bum shoulder can throw for 313 yards against Atlanta's porous secondary, then so can Orton and his bizarre combo of receivers (since when did Brandon Lloyd and a former AFL star become viable options?).

If Orton keeps up this out-of-nowhere play going forward, though, it's time to start thinking about starting him beyond this week. Look at his upcoming schedule: MIN, bye, DET, TEN, @GB, @STL, @MIN. Other than the Titans, he's facing some terrible pass defenses, and has the best rookie RB, Matt Forte, to keep defenses from just sitting back in coverage.

You Know Who Else You Should Start?

Greg Olsen (TE – CHI) See Orton, Kyle. And give thanks to the fantasy gods that Desmond Clark has FINALLY stopped getting looks.

Matt Cassel (QB – NE) The lights are out in the Chargers' D now that Shawne Merriman is gone. We're talking about the same team that let Chad Pennington throw all over them last week. And now that we know Randy Moss isn't suffering from Raideritis (the inflammation of Moss' ego, symptoms include taking plays off, sulking on the sidelines, and sitting by himself on the bench), Cassel's worth a start.

Fred Taylor (RB – JAX) The Broncos can't stop anyone right now. Do yourself a favor and ignore Formerly Fragile Fred's numbers and give him the start this week. The slump ends here.

Le'Ron McClain (RB – BAL) The best all-around fullback since Charles Way deserves some love this week against a Colts D that's missing Bob Sanders. Without the best tackler in the league, Indy's got nothing to stop this steamroller, who's taken over for the bruised and battered Willis McGahee (suffering from injuries including eye, ribs, leg, foot, finger).

Donald Driver and Greg Jennings (WR – GB) Did you see what Dominik Hixon and Sinorice Moss did to Seattle's secondary last week? Now imagine wideouts 17 times more talented will be able to do. Give them both the start.

Steve Breaston (WR – ARZ) The Cowboys D hasn't fared that well against the pass this year, and this week they'll be missing starting cornerback Terence Newman. Look for Kurt Warner to target the speedster from Michigan when Larry Fitzgerald is being double covered. Pacman "Adam" Jones will probably be too focused on staying out of trouble to do anything about it.
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Eight Questions with Reggie Bush

We caught up with Saints RB Reggie Bush this week and talked to him about his inconsistency, his plans for the bye week, and Kim Kardashian’s ass.

Lafayette Gold: Reggie, your first two years in the league were very up-and-down. But three weeks into the season, you’re looking like you’ve turned things around. What happened?

Reggie Bush: Honestly, I’ve always had the raw physical ability. I’ve got the 4.33 40, the 40 ½ inch vertical leap and the body of an Adonis. I could churn out 20 TDs every year. But what’s the fun in that? I like to underperform and leave my fans wanting more. Sure, I played well the last three weeks, but the next three? Who’s to say. It all depends on how I’m feeling.

Lafayette Gold: Are you saying that sometimes you’re not really trying out there? Don’t you ever want to move out of the second-tier of fantasy RBs and become a first round pick?

Reggie Bush: Look man, it’s not always about what the fans want. I need to watch out for myself, make sure I get mine. I got that fine piece of ass Kim Kardashian waiting for me at home every night. You think I want to get banged up? The only contact I like is in the bedroom – slamming into Kim’s ass is a lot more pleasant than getting tackled by Brian Urlacher.

Lafayette Gold: I see. So your fear of getting hurt is why you’re not a north-south runner?

Reggie Bush: [Laughs] Hey, you said it, not me.

Lafayette Gold: So what can your fantasy owners expect from you over the next few weeks?

Reggie Bush: Well, we’ve got some tough matchups ahead of us. Minnesota, Carolina, San Diego – those are some strong defenses, man. I’ll probably give you a little flash when we go against San Francisco and Oakland, but against those other three? Probably not much. Then it’s the bye week – that’s my time to shine.

Lafayette Gold: Are you saying that the Niners…

Reggie Bush: Actually, sorry to interrupt, but can we go back to the bye week? Man, that’s going to be tight. I’m taking Kim to Cabo. Romo gave me a hotel recommendation and everything.

Lafayette Gold: But aren’t you supposed to rest during the bye?

Reggie Bush: Dude, did you see me at USC? One thing Reggie Bush knows is how to party. Every night, man: girls, booze, and more bribes than even Tim Donaghy would know what to do with. One week on the beach and I’ll be set.

Lafayette Gold: Wait, so you’re saying that people should trade for you because you’re going to finish strong?

Reggie Bush: [Laughs] Please, this is Reggie Bush you’re talking to! You think I’d ever be stupid enough to guarantee performance? Who do I look like, Brandon Marshall? The truth is, I can’t decide from one day to the next whether I’m going to be good or not. And I’ll tell you what, man, that Chicago matchup in the fantasy semifinals does not look good for Reggie Bush, not at all.

Lafayette Gold: What about the fantasy consolation game the following week?

Reggie Bush: Oh man, that’s where I’m going to light it up. I mean, it’s almost time for my contract extension. A brotha has to get paid, don’t he?
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