Scout's Take

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after our Lehman stock got wiped out, we had to lay them all off. In their place are Black Irish, Mr. T, Marble Ryan, and Steve Stevens, who let us know what they took away from the Week 2 action.

Black Irish:
Dear Carson Palmer,
You’re dead to me.
Your pal,
Irish

Steve Stevens: If anyone’s interested, Randy Moss is on the block. I can see him becoming a cancer on my team with Matt Cassell throwing to him.

Marble Ryan: Oh yeah, count on Randy Moss mailing it in the rest of the season. No way he stays motivated without Brady barking at him.

Mr. T: Don’t forget that last year was Moss’s contract year. Michael J. Cox knew that when he drafted him last year. Brotha is getting paid now. The popcorn man might be the new #1 WR.

Marble Ryan: Also, can someone explain to me what is wrong with Mike Shanahan? I can understand playing Pittman at the goal line...he’s big and strong and a cagy vet. But what is the point of giving carries to Andre Hall? He’s not good! Selvin Young is ten times better — he should be getting 15 to 20 carries a game. Shanahan is such a stubborn jack ass! Andre Hall is garbage...anyone have an explanation for me??

Mr. T: When you’re slim at the waist, you can’t handle 20 carries a game — that’s how he got hurt last year. And it’s all scheme, so Shanahan can keep running in whoever. By keeping the carries down, the contract $ stays down, too. It doesn’t matter when you got Brandon Marshall, though. He was right on about 140 catches. Speaking as a premier touch football defensive back, couldn’t they possibly adjust the coverage? Most of his catches came on like 8 yards routes. Couldn’t San Diego just roll the safety over and run some press coverage with Cromartie? I mean, how many times can you give up that same play? I thought the Chargers’ secondary was supposed to be better than that.

Marble Ryan: Well, Marshall obviously made that statement after having some conversations with Shanahan and Cutler. They probably told him beforehand that he’d be getting fed the ball like a running back, so it’s not much of a prediction. To use a metaphor you might understand, Mr. T, it’s like telling your buddies you think you can bang a chick after she’s been sending you dirty text messages.

Mr. T: It’s all part of a larger plan. Shanahan can tell Marshall that because hisrap sheet is so long, he’ll never be able to get big guaranteed $$. To use a metaphor you can understand, it’s like paying $10 for a porno with a C level actress as opposed to paying like $30 for one with Tera Patrick. Sure, the C level actress has some red flags, but at the end of the day, she still makes all the plays you need her to make.

Marble Ryan: Except that Marshall isn't C level, he's one of the best receivers in The Lig. You are an idiot.

Mr. T: Change the C level to the new Jenna Jameson with her saggy body and deformed face. Those red flags = Marshall's multiple arrests. It's still a good porno in the Marble Ryan household. Rotoworld says Roy’s complaining about his role in the new Lions’ offense. Williams has six catches for 95 yards in two games so far.

Marble Ryan: He was regressing last year too...he basically has one good year under him, but he’s always been a prima donna...right now, he just doesn’t have to goods to compete with Bolt.

Mr. T: In Week 1, Calvin saw 10 looks and Roy only 5. Roy shouldn’t have talked up Bolt so much.