Scout's Take

Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, we had to lay off all of our scouts after we were taken over by the federal government as a conservatorship. In their place are Mr. T, Marble Ryan, Steve Stevens, and Michael J. Cox, who let us know what they took away from the Week 1 action.

Marble Ryan: Great opening weekend in the NFL: rookie RBs go ape, Tom Brady gets hurt, and Reggie Bush lives up to Marble Ryan's hype. Chris Johnson is going to win an MVP award at some point in his career.

Mr. T: LT is such a bitch – thank God I played against him in three leagues. He was whining about his turf toe. That guy needs to sack up and play.

Marble Ryan: Yeah, LT is a little bit of a bitch, but he always starts slow. People forget this, but his 30 TD year started off that way, too. Oh, and I still like Moss after the Brady injury. I think hell actually benefit from playing in the Matt Cassell one-read offense.

Mr. T: How many points did Thomas Jones score this week, 16? Good thing you almost traded him…

Marble Ryan: I wasnt going to trade Tom Jones for just anything. Its not like I wanted to dump him at any cost, I just think he has limited upside – and still do. Hell be a solid RB2, but I need some more explosivity in my life. My team will score 95 points a week but never top 110.

Mr. T: When Reg-jay rolls off of a 13-carry, 27-yard stunner in Week 6, we can talk the explosivity in your live. Sometimes consistency wins. By the way, get Tarvaris ready in your bullpen – Bulger and the Rams looked terrible yesterday. (Ed. This was before Tarvaris took a dump at the 50 yard line on Lambeau Field during Monday’s game).

Marble Ryan: Makes that “No Game” Holt pick look like less of a value, huh? I smell another last place finish for The A-Team.

Steve Stevens: I think the Saints are going to explode offensively. Wish I had Brees in more leagues. He’s gonna be smashing defenses this year.

Mr. T: Kind of like how you thought the Lions would explode? Still waiting for that one.

Steve Stevens: Kitna was OK, Roy scored, Calvin had yards. Silent Bob scored too, but I’m a little worried about him going forward.

Mr. T: Hey Cox, nice Karma with Brady. Which porn star did you give that STD to this week?

Michael J. Cox: Tom who? www.KurtWarnerIsMyQuarterback.com. I’ve moved on.

Mr. T: I can’t wait to hear the sentiments on Warner by week 9. I faintly remember the quote from last year, “Get a life Warner!”

Michael J. Cox: I’m sure he’ll be injured by then and I’ll be starting some other ass clown.

Mr. T: How about the Marble Ryan Lock of the Week? Nice pick Cowher!

Marble Ryan: It’s Week 1, The Lock was bound to be wrong. Didn’t you read the disclaimer? My favorite play yesterday was in the Cowboys-Browns game – The Human Anvil ran head first right into Marcus Spears and bounced about three yards backwards. It looked like something out of a cartoon.

Mr. T: Gotta give The Anvil some credit, he was one of the few Browns still playing hard in the second half. Maybe one of his coaches threatened to drop the soap in the post game shower and he had nightmares of his time in the clink. What’s the over/under on Brady Quinn taking over? Week 7?

Marble Ryan: Derek Anderson looked good to start the game; the guy that really sucked was Braylon Edwards. He looked fat and slow. I think he’s on the Marble Ryan diet plan. So does Lewis. When Spears knocked him on his ass, he looked like a fat lady who just fell down a flight of stairs. As Selvin Young will tell you, you need to be slim at the waist to excel in this league. Did you see his 2000-yard prediction in SI?

Mr. T: Edwards didn’t play the last three weeks and he dropped three balls, including a few easy ones. Peyton Manning missed time and the Colts looked out of sync, too. Shows you that the preseason actually means something. Hmm, Selvin Young predicting 2000 or AD predicting 2000…wonder who I’m going to pick there. You should make SY for 2000 the Marble Ryan Lock of the Year.

Marble Ryan: The Lock of the Year is the A-Team missing the playoffs – Darius Walker ain’t walking through that door. (Ed. The A-Team, winner of the 2007 RGFL championship, actually started Texans RB Darius Walker in the playoffs).