The Marble Ryan Lock of the Week

Every Friday, Marble Ryan will offer up The Marble Ryan Lock of the Week, an under-the-radar, sure-fire NFL pick backed by his proprietary insight. But be forewarned: we in no way advise you to actually take this pick to your local bookkeeper; in fact, we recommend against it. After all, if you hear a cold metallic tap on your door late at night, we're not going to be there to bail you out. But if you want a peek into the pre-eminent football mind of an entire generation, look no further.

It was an inauspcious start to the 2008 season here at the Marble Ryan Lock of the Week headquarters. The 49ers, our pick for Week 1, turned in a stinker at home, putting up just 13 points against a mediocre Cardinals defense. Niners QB J.T. O'Sullivan did not deliver the kind of numbers we've come to expect from a QB in a Mike Martz offense, proving that even the Mad Scientist can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

Now, though, after a week of scouting I feel like I have my sea legs back, and I'm ready to start making some serious money. There’s a lot of opportunity on the board in Week 2. Oakland at Kansas City offers a match-up of arguably the two worst teams in the lig, always an intriguing proposition for a gambling man like myself. Denver as a home dog sounds sexy, too, especially considering the Chargers’ propensity for playing like crap the first month of every season (LT included – check the stats). But as tempting as these are, neither is really Lock of the Week material.

It’s early in the season and I’m still feeling frisky. This weekend, I’ve got my eye on Charlotte, where the Panthers will get a visit from a very feisty Bears club. Carolina has perfected the art of garbaajjery at home, going 2-6 there last season, and last Sunday night Chicago looked as real as real gets. Matt “All Day” Fo’tay is a star in the making, and the Bears have a long history of winning with the worst player on the team at QB.

Vegas is taking 3.5 points away from the Panthers, but I see them stumbling after an emotionally draining last-second win in Week 1. Lock up Da Bears to win outright with the season’s first Hester TD, more size in your face from Fo’tay, another injury to Jonathan Stewart, and 71 shots of Sexy Rexy on the sideline pretending to pay attention to the game but actually looking at porn hidden on his clipboard.

The pick: Chicago (+3.5) @ Carolina