Each week, our scouts gather together to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after blowing our savings betting on Marble Ryan’s Lock of the Week, we had to place them all on waivers. In their place are Black Irish, Marble Ryan, Mr. T, The Slow Eater, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 3 action.Mr. T: Suddenly Steve Stevens’ team looks like it’s in serious trouble. Torry Hallelujah leaves Brown on the bench and watches Big Ben and Westbrook get hurt. And Cousin Bowser just changed his team name to Lehman Brothers, which lets you know how he feels about his season.
Steve Stevens: My team sucks balls. Pinning my hopes to the Detroit Lions looks like an Isiah-esque decision.
Torry Hallelujah: Hey, at least Clemson still looks like a lock for that national title bid. (Ed. Steve Stevens predicted Clemson to be an NCAA National Championship contender before the college football season began.)
Mr. T: Steve, you should’ve traded Moss when you had the chance. And now Rudi seems like he took over for Kevin Smith. “The Beej” got outgained by Derrick Ward. The whole system is breaking down!
Marble Ryan: Looks like I was about to make another season-ruining trade, only this time I got saved by my counter-party. And this Selvin Young thing is really getting out of hand. The Broncos were on national TV yesterday giving everyone the opportunity to see how bad Andre Hall is. He’s really terrible, and Young is awesome. I can understand giving Pittman short yardage – he’s a lot bigger and stronger than Young. But there is no reason to give Hall any carries except in emergency situations. I know the argument about trying to keep Young from being a marquee player and keep him cheap, but that’s BS. They turned Portis into a star and ended up getting Champ Bailey for him – I’d say it was worth it! Idiots!
Torry Hallelujah: You should change your team name to “Hanging from a String.”
Mr. T: Young’s YPC average is pretty intense. But how can you argue with Shana-tan when the team put up 34 points?? If anything he needs Young in there at safety. Fitzgerald is looking like a better WR than Moss right now. Sam Cassell was not getting it done at QB for New England on Sunday. Rotoworld said Moss was sitting by himself on the bench at times. Can we say Raiders revisited??
Steve Stevens: I can see Belichick going back to the drawing board this week and figuring out ways to get Moss more involved. That guy doesn’t take losing lightly. And Fitzgerald for Moss was never the issue. I was just not prepared to have Thomas Jones as my #1 back. Brandon Jacobs has been mediocre fantasy wise this season, but he is much more likely to get it done week in and week out than Thomas Jones. And…Clemson sucks...
Mr. T: At least with Jones you’re guaranteed 20 carries most weeks and that he’s not in any kinda time-share. With Earth, Wind, & Fire the Giants are about keeping everyone fresh. Plus they still haven’t played their games against the tougher Cowboys and Eagles defenses. Not saying it was a sure thing, but right now things aren’t looking good for Steve Stevens.
Marble Ryan: It doesn’t look good, although Moss was pretty chipper at the press conference. I think he’s betting on that 1-year contract for Drew Bledsoe, too. Cassel is garbage, and the Pats basically just quit yesterday. Thank god for this Colts bye...I need the real Manning if I’m going to have my annual 4th place finish. The real problem for Steve Stevens is Kevin Smith. It’s not even a time-share in Detroit, Rudi Johnson is now a feature back, people. I’m not going to put in a request for him though, that would violate my “say no to Detroit” policy.
Marble Ryan: Has Torry’s Ronnie Brown revelation officially been neutralized by the Westbrook fiasco? That’s like 4 straight years now Westbrook’s had an injury, although the past two he’s only missed one game. The law of averages states this one should be more serious.
Mr. T: I say Westbrook misses at least 3 games. As our resident injury specialist, I feel like I can give that diagnosis with a fair mind. That did not look pretty. (Ed. Westbrook has since been ruled day-to-day). I think Grant’s a major problem too. I know they just give him a nice contract, but he doesn’t look good out there, while some of the other backs are producing a little better.
Steve Stevens: I’m detecting an air of cockiness from the F-Team after its first win...
Black Irish: “Resident injury specialist” = bruises badly walking through a subway turnstile.
Mr. T: Yeah well if any of you clowns actually got off your butts and got some exercise into your lives, maybe you could comment on injuries. It’s hard to get injured on the couch while eating a box of Goldfish.
Marble Ryan: I advise a lig-wide halt on trading with Torry. With Brown and Marshall, you do not want to give this guy another weapon right now. Just putting it out there, we need a little collusion to save us all.
Black Irish: The situation with Torry Hallelujah should take care of itself. It’s only a matter of time till Marshall effs it up by holding up a Burger King or something.
Torry Hallelujah: Let’s be honest, I was a little too high on my team on Saturday, and even with the decision to bench RB23, things were looking just a bit too rosy for me. The Westbrook injury was a big dose of karma straight to my dome. Of course, none of this would be a problem if Ryan Grant were healthy, but that’s another issue.
Marble Ryan: Don’t listen to Torry!! He’s only pretending to not be high on his team now so he can fool one of you into giving him a top line WR for Roddy White and another inconsistent backup. I know from experience: do not trade with Torry. He’s ruthless.
Mr. T: Just because you’re the moron that traded AD for a time-share running back doesn’t mean we’re all dumb enough to do that.
Slow Eater: Let’s wait for Ronnie Brown to put together two good games in a row before we crown Torry Hallelujah. Ricky freaking Williams also averaged over 6 yards a carry yesterday. The Patriots D was just atrocious and the timeshare isn’t going away any time soon. And his number 1 RB and QB both went down. Don’t get me wrong, Torry’s looking strong, but we don’t need to resort to collusion just yet.
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