You Know Who You Should Sit?

(Offense – CIN) Where to begin? Carson Palmer’s completion percentage is hovering right at 49%, and he has yet to throw a TD. I’d honestly rather have Vince Young, busted knee, mental instability and all, under center than Palmer at this point. Seriously, Carson. Get a hold of yourself already.

Chad Johnson is playing with a partially torn labia and TJ Hashmazilli has only caught 6 balls all season. The two have combined for exactly zero touchdowns. Chris Perry and his pencil-thin moustache are averaging a whopping 2.7 yards per carry. The Bengals’ longest play from scrimmage was a 36-yard reception by…wait for it…wait for it…waaaaait for it…DeDe Dorsey?!? What the fuck, Bengals.

Oh, and to top things off, they go up against the Giants this week. Somebody told me they have a pretty decent pass rush or something.

Save yourself an anxiety attack and bench their asses this week. Each and every one of them. If you don’t have any other options, well, I’ll go ahead and second Clubber Lang’s prediction: pain.

You Know Who You Should Also Sit?

Earnest Graham (RB – TB) Earn has been pretty impressive this year, but sit him on the road against a tough defense (Chicago) that will make Brian Griese beat them.

Matt Ryan (QB – ATL) Matty Ice! Last week’s performance was nothing short of pathetic. I know, I know – he “looked good” in Week 1. But let’s not forget that that performance came against the Lions. Ryan’s ass should be firmly planted on the fantasy pine until he’s able to show that he’s able to consistently put up at least mediocre numbers.

Larry Johnson (RB – KC) LJ has looked absolutely awful this year, and to top things off, now he’s whining about it. On the bright side, he plays on a team coached by Herm Edwards. Lawrence, please take your seat. It’s the one over there, right next to the Bigg Fogg cooling fan.