Mr. T's $1 Bailout Plan

After four weeks of the NFL season, fantasy teams should be ready to trade assets. The House isn’t rescuing Wall Street with a $700B bailout plan, but Mr. T is here to save your season. Gather the front office executives and develop a plan of attack to hit the trade market. Always remember proper trade etiquette. Low-balling a fellow league member is not the way to start things off. Make a fair, reasonable offer that can start negotiations. Here’s a list of players you should be buying and selling:

Quarterbacks

Buy – Matt Hasselbeck (SEA) He had no receivers for the first three games of the season. Now Branch and Engram are back and a running game has been established. He’s’ got the complete package around him. Picture Keely Hazell’s Yahoo images search. Bam!
Also buy: Matt Schaub (HOU) and Jake Delhomme (CAR)

Sell – Eli Manning (NYG) Little Manning has impressed everyone this season after last year’s playoff run, but that bubble will burst soon. Historically his 2nd half numbers aren’t as good as his first. After the Giants' sixth game, the schedule gets much tougher. This isn't the Double Stuff Racing League. Eli's owners should be scared.
Also sell: Aaron Rogers (GB) and Jon Kitna (DET)

Running Backs

Buy – Thomas Jones (NYJ) We all know I was high on Jones before the season, so let’s not panic after four weeks. I put my money where my mouth is by trading for him in the RexGrossmanIsOurQuarterback.com League last week. As Favre learns the offense, there will be more touchdown opportunities. The Jets schedule presents very favorable matchups after the bye week.
Also buy: Joseph Addai (IND) and Steve Slaton (HOU)

Sell – Michael Turner (ATL) I like some consistency in my running backs. Turner won’t be putting up much in road games with Ryan as his QB. The playoff schedule also looks mighty tough for The Burner.
Also sell: Laurence Maroney (NE), Edgerrin James (AZ), and Selvin Young (DEN)

Wide Receivers

Buy - Andre Johnson (HOU) Look, the guy is an athletic freak. He eats piece of shit like you for breakfast. His value won't be any lower than it is right now. Without a win so far, the Texans will look to get the ball to their best player more often. The schedule also eases up in the weeks ahead, so he should explode with some size to your face.
Also buy: Torry Holt (STL) and Donald Driver (GB)

Sell - Chris Chambers (SD) Now is not the time to enter the 36 Chambers. Does 8 catches in 4 games sound like a winning proposition? That's what Chambers has so far. His fantasy points are inflated from a few big play TDs and as LT rounds back into form, those TDs won't be there. Don't let him be the first dog that's shitted on your lawn.
Also sell: Santana Moss (WSH) and Eddie Royal (DEN)

Tight End

Buy - Tony Gonzalez (KC) If Tyler Thigpen was your quarterback for two of the first four games, you'd be crapping the bed as well. Last week with Damon Huard back at the helm, Gonzalez performed as expected. And the Chiefs will likely be trailing in most games. Huard, if you don't get the ball to Gonzalez, in the words of Herm Edwards, "88's gonna be mad at you!!"
Also buy: Dallas Clark (IND) and Chris Cooley (WSH)

Sell - Vernon Davis (SF) Unlike Rox Hoover, Mike Martz doesn't seem to like a tight end. Look back at his teams and find me a TE who has performed well. He's more apt to turn his safety into a star receiver than throw to the TE. Obtain yourself some cream to cleanse yourself of the VD.
Also sell: Heath Miller (PIT) and Bo Scaife (TEN)