Carson Palmer, I truly cannot stand you.When I drafted you in Round 4 this year, I thought I was getting the guy who threw that beautiful, looping 60-yard pass to Chris Henry in the first quarter of that 2005 playoff game against the Steelers. I knew that your career was briefly sidetracked when Kimo von Oelhoffen slid into your knee, but I didn’t realize that when he was down there, he removed your cock and balls and replaced them with a vagina.
See, Carson, when I sat down to watch the Browns-Bengals game yesterday, I was still fully expecting you to play. I guess I must’ve figured, “Any guy who wasn’t listed on the injury report all week probably stands a good chance at taking the field.”
But it looks like the joke was on me. I sat there, mouth agape, as that little shit Adam Schefter reported that you’d be sitting out with elbow discomfort. Seriously, Carson? A little advance notice, perhaps?
The thing is, I had the chance to trade your candy ass all week, but I wasn’t going to let some carpetbagger come in and buy you up on the cheap. Not with the Browns game coming up. I’m not sure if you remember this, Carson, but last year you threw for 401 yards and 6 TDs against Cleveland. So I decided that I’d wait until Monday to made a decision on you.
Well, Carson, Monday’s here, and the only decision I’ve made is that you’re a fucking pansy. Go fuck yourself.
- Ace P., Falls Church, VA
Who Else Do the People Hate?
WTF was Whisenhunt thinking playing the starters down 23 points with three minutes to go?!? He almost got Anquan killed! If Boldin misses more than a week, I might have to spring Ted Kazinsky from jail to take care of the situation.
- Joe B., Los Angeles, CA
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