You Know Who You Should Sit?

Tony Romo (QB – DAL) I know you're thrilled to have Romo back, as are his teammates, but my sources in the Cowboys locker room tell me a different story. The joy felt by his receivers over finally not having Brad Johnson throw them the ball has quickly turned to concern over their rusty star quarterback's lack of arm strength, which some have called "Johnson-esque". Said a certain star wide receiver, who asked that his name be withheld and instead be referred to as "Berrell Mowens", "Are you fucking kidding me!? I thought we were getting our QB back. What's this weak-armed shit? Terrell Owens needs a man to throw him the rock! Shit, wait, not Terrell Owens. What was that name I asked you to call me? Fuck. You can cut this part out, right?" When asked for a response, Tony Romo said, "seriously? Berrell Mowens? That's the best that idiot came up with?" He then shook his head and walked off. Expect Romo to struggle against a solid Washington defense as he works himself back into game shape.

You Know Who Else You Should Sit?

Kevin Smith (RB – DET) Smith's mediocre rushing yards totals the past few games have been bailed out by him consistently finding his way into the end zone. However, that's unlikely against a strong Carolina D playing at home, where they rarely give up a rushing TD. This adds up to a poor week for Kevin Smith.

Brandon Jacobs (RB – NYG) As good as he is, he's a running back in a timeshare going against the Ravens defense. Expect a disappointing week.

Maurice Jones Drew & Fred Taylor (RBs – JAX) The two-headed Jags RB tandem has been padding their overall stats lately taking advantage of some weak rush defenses. That won't be the case this week against Tennessee. Expect the Titans to fully overpower the Jaguars poor excuse for an offensive line as they successfully shut down their running backs. Look elsewhere for your RB or Flex production.

Steve Slaton (RB – HOU) Here’s another running back to avoid. It might be tempting to play him going up against the Colts weak rush defense, but his coach is referring to him as "worn down" and he has two other RBs taking his carries and allowing him to rest. He is not at all someone you can count on at this point in the season.

Joe Flacco (QB – BAL) He's been a great waiver wire pickup over the past few weeks, but his is still a rookie QB going up against the defending champs on the road. With any new quarterback there are going to be some bumps in the road, and this week is going to be one of them.
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You Know Who You Should Start?

Tyler Thigpen & Mark Bradley (QB, WR – KC) I’ve previously thrown out a few dynamic duos in this section. This week I’m telling you to start both Thigpen and Bradley and yes, I’m a little surprised at myself. I was at my ten year high school reunion last week when I saw Sarah Swanson for the first time since we graduated. My reaction was a state of shock and awe as I watched this blonde bombshell turn heads. Sarah was hideous in high school. You couldn’t convince yourself to take her freebie offers for romps in the computer lounge because you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. Nobody would know, but accepting the offer would make you consider a Homeboys in Outer Space marathon as a positive moment in your life. But at that reunion, you would’ve done a solo of LFO’s Summer Girls just to have five minutes with her. Somehow Tyler Thigpen has emerged in the same way. His production over the past few weeks elicits comparisons to Derek Anderson from last season. Bradley’s been targeted as much as Gonzalez and Bowe over that time. Thanksgiving comes early for the Chiefs offense this week with the Saints defense on the menu. I’m just looking for five minutes.

You Know Who Else You Should Start?

Jake Delhomme (WR – CAR) Last week’s game was rock bottom for Delhomme. And if you smell what I’m cooking, he’s in for a big game against the Lions this week.

Tim Hightower (RB – AZ) Timmy was surprisingly stifled last week, but he’s got the perfect opponent to bounce back. The Power of Tower will find the end zone again this week.

Plaxico Burress (WR – NYG) Where o’ where can Plaxico be? It appears he’s still taking his kids to school as he hasn’t shown up on the stat sheet much recently. The Giants will need to throw to beat the Ravens, so it’s finally time for Plax to put the Kleenex down and get busy.

Kevin Curtis (WR – PHI) The Eagles have a nice way of dominating bad teams regardless of location. Curtis has produced reasonable point totals over the last two games. He should be fully recovered from his injury and is due to breakout.

Tony Scheffler (TE – DEN) Pretty boy...Tony...hey hey...hunky...Tony...hey hey... Now that I’m done fixing my collar, I can remind you that Denver can’t run the ball and will be throwing a lot against the Falcons this week. And if you don’t like that dude, you better step off.
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The Michael J. Cox Lock of the Week

He's back, folks! This week, Marble Ryan has triumphantly returned to the lock-of-the-week stage in spectacular form, picking Dallas -1.5 (on the road!) over a team that they couldn't beat at home back in Week 4. That's right, Week 4, back when Tony Romo didn't have a broken finger on his throwing hand and their D wasn't banged up, suspended, just plain bad, etc.

This line opened at Cowboys +2 and moved a whopping 3.5 points over the course of the week, presumably on the news that Clinton Portis would not be playing. In my opinion, that sort of shift should be reserved for a QB going down, not a running back with a competent replacement. Plus, in light of his recent statements, can't you picture NBC zooming in on Jerry Jones on the sideline while Madden says something like, "Well you know Al, Jerry Jones guaranteed this week that the Cowboys would make the playoffs, but it sure is awful hard to make the playoffs when you don't win games..."? I sure can.

As for Marble, it's painfully obvious that he's chugging as much Tony Homo Kool-Aid as he can get his hands on in the wake of the comically terrible fantasy trade he made for him two weeks ago. But who am I to refuse his money? You're a charitable man, Marble Ryan, and I thank you for it.

Here are a few other plays I like, just in case you're not as charitable toward your bookie as Marble is to me.

- COLTS -8 over Texans
- BUCS -4 over Vikings
- Cardinals -3 over SEAHAWKS
- Eagles/Bengals to go over 41.5 points
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"The Line Up" with The Lieutenant

In anticipation of tonight’s Patriots-Jets affair, I’m headed up to Foxboro to provide extra police detail. Those fucking Massholes can’t keep their shit together. Once they feel the wrath of my right cross, they’ll have a new meaning for the words wicked hard.

Drunken disorderly conduct

- It was another light week in terms of NFL misdemeanors. If this keeps up, I might have to join the Mounties. Once again, however, the fans stepped up. At last week’s Vikings game, my cousin Rico had to put a Vikings fan on the deck when he mouthed off after flipping the bird to a bunch of Packers fans. I thought only the trash in Philly was that ignorant. This was after Rico kept a drunk 25-year old out of the stadium following his vomit job all over his Adrian Peterson jersey. You can’t disgrace such a fine jersey like that. Peterson has a somewhat difficult affair against Tampa this week, but his game against Jacksonville next week is troublesome in name only. Watching him take on Detroit, Arizona, and Atlanta during fantasy playoff times will have you throwing em back like that Vikes fan. Just don’t puke on me after the game or you’ll discover what it’s like to have a size 15 imprinted on your left ass cheek.

Slow your role

- Back in March, Albert Haynesworth was caught doing 103 in a 70 zone. Since reading comprehension is not a part of the Wonderlic test, Albert must’ve missed the sign as he breezed through in his Escalade. On December 9th, he’ll have his case reviewed. The judge will use index cards to illustrate that 103 - 70 = 33 miles faster that your fat ass should be driving. Haynesworth alibi is that he dropped a Twinkie in his lap and lost track of his speed. While I’m not sure if Twinkie charges more than 100 an hour, I am sure that the Titans have stayed out of the law’s way since Adam Jones left town. This has led to attention being paid to productive players like Chris Johnson, LenDale White, and Bo Scaife. Scaife is on pace for 74 catches and a fat new contract at season’s end. Considering the lack of skill at the TE position these days, you could do a lot worth than Scaife down the stretch. He’s got plenty of friendly match-ups before Pittsburgh in Week 16.

Chris Henry Watch

During his bye week Henry tried to suck up to new quarterback Ryan Fitzgerald my introducing him to his dealer, Blonde Bomber Battaglia. If Henry sees enough balls this week to make Rupert Everett happy, you’ll know Battaglia provided his best prime slice.

I Got Effed Auto-drafting on Yahoo!

Without a chance of making the playoffs, the best I can hope for is to play spoiler. Three-fingered Mike didn’t know what hit him last week. But that was only after his team destroyed me and I laid him out with my sjambok.

Week 10 Totals:

QB: Colt Brennan (0 pts) – Ah fuck. I really need to stay off the Torry Hallelujah bye week plan.

RB: Pierre Thomas (2 pts) – That’s right Pierre. You fucking show ‘em.

RB: Olaniyi Sobomehin (0 pts) – His brother Benjanyi was picked up this week, but he wasn’t the 21st bomber either.

WR: Chaz Schilens (0 pts) – Al Davis threatened to send him to Vietnam.

WR: Jabar Gaffney (4 pts) – It’s amazing what a handful of ejaculate can do for a man.

RB/WR: Joshua Cribbs (4 pts) – Soon Russell Simmons will want to check his shit out.

TE: Ben Hartsock (0 pts) – I’m still trying to shave down my Hartsock.

D: St. Louis (0 pts) – Ain’t got nothing on my J-E-T-S.

K: Jeff Reed (9 pts) – Skippy kept his wang nice and straight this week.

This Day in Fantasy Football: November 13, 1908

Stuck in Altoona, PA for the weekend, Walter Hendrickson found himself unable to make any changes to his roster. When he returned home, he discovered his neighbor Henry inches deep in his wife. Afraid for his life, Henry screamed out that he had adjusted Walter’s fantasy lineup because he was away, which led to a playoff clinching victory. Walter allowed Henry to continue to plow his wife until climax before taking out his shotgun and ending his life.

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Week 11 Podcast: "I just got back from Aurora"

Mr. T once again joins Torry Hallelujah to discuss Tatum Bell's last job, the emergence of Tyler Thigpen, and Torry's love of Matt Cassel.

Donwload the Podcast



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Wednesday Afternoon Quarterback: Ten Things Peter King Thinks He Thinks

1. Kerry Collins is one tough nut to crack. I was texting with Collins after the Titans-Bears game last week, and he said, “This is ridiculous, Peter. I’m standing five feet away from you.” C U l8r, Kerry.

2. That Adam Jones is no Sammy Baugh.

3. That Bucs offense really needs to learn how to move the ball down the field. The Fighting Grudenmen just aren’t playing inspired football right now.

4. I’m not one for fantasy football, but my editors tell me I have to throw in one tip every week. If he’s available, pick up Donovan McNabb. Thank me when you win your league.

5. Coffeenerdness. What are you thinking with the cinnamon in that pumpkin soy latte, Starbucks? By the way, what’s up with the fancy names for the different sizes? Why can’t you just call them small, medium and large? Also: I ordered five shots of espresso, not four!

6. Caught the best show in the history of television, The Office, last week. You are really something, Mr. Steve Carrell! And Dwight, you too are funny!

7. Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week. Flew Continental Airlines from Newark to Pittsburgh last week for the Steelers-Colts game. I say this to the woman in seat 5A: how many pages can one person read on a 1-hour flight? Seriously, people, get it together.

8. Best of luck, Spike. You will be missed.

9. Field hockey update: Mary Beth King scored 13 unassisted goals in a game against Division VII Northwest Rhode Island Polytechnic University. Afterwards, she was punched in the face by the opposing goalie for running up the score. Lighten up, kids!

10. How about those Boston Red Sox!
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The Mentalist: A review by Michael J. Cox

The ups and downs of a fantasy season can be exhausting for anyone, so we’re going to take a break from fantasy analysis this morning to bring you Michael J. Cox’s review of CBS’s The Mentalist, the surprise ratings hit of the fall season. As faithful readers and listeners to the podcast know, we like to give Mr. T a lot of shit for watching this show. Is it really as bad as we think? Read on for the verdict.

Thanks to mobile Gmail's new draft feature, I'm able to treat you all to a real time analysis of The Mentalist as I sit here on a 6-hour JetBlue flight with nothing else to watch.

This show falls somewhere in between Ghost Whisperer and Medium (much closer to Ghost Whisperer, sadly) in terms of watchability for a predictable weekly mystery solving show, which isn't good considering that my girlfriend’s Ghost Whisperer affliction was a primary driver for my recent additional TV purchase.

The main guy – Simon Baker – is your stereotypical nauseatingly good guy who, in this episode, used his memory powers to win money at a casino where he investigated a
crime, and then of course selflessly gave it away in the following manner:

1. $300K to a needy Asian blackjack dealer whose mother needs a liver transplant and
2. $250K to his loser coworkers by buying them ridiculously expensive jewelry just to be nice
3. When his female coworkers decided they couldn't keep the $100K necklaces, he dumped them in a bin on the sidewalk where canned food and shoes were being collected for the homeless

Yeah, you read that right. This is only season one and they're already reduced to that sort of plot line. There are also zero hot chick regulars on the show which probably wouldn't be enough to save it from dogshitville, but at least it would be something.

His two sidekicks, a nerdy Asian guy and a Papelbon lookalike, are terrible. They basically go around the whole show talking up what a bad ass he is for having amazing abilities and buying them cool watches.

Verdict: This show sucks ass, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that my girlfriend doesn't start watching it. I think it might have a knack for avoiding cancellation for a few years and I don't want to have to break up with her.

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Make the Playoffs First, then We'll Talk

With 4 weeks to go in the season you're probably thinking of the playoffs. PLAYOFFS??? YOU KIDDING ME? In reality, you should make Jim Mora happy and focus on making the playoffs first. Anything can happen when you get there, but if you miss the Prom, you can't take home the Queen. Most leagues have their trading deadlines coming up this week, so here's a list of players you should focus on acquiring.

Peyton Manning (QB - IND) Upcoming Schedule: HOU, SD, CLE, CIN

At this point you're probably tired of hearing about Eli's older brother. You've seen him endorsing cell phones with his mustache, telling you which TV you should buy, and teaching kids how to steal cars. Manning hasn't looked like the same QB so far this year, partially because his knee injury doesn't allow him to perform his passing tree in warm-ups like he's done in years past. After watching the likes of Flacco, Thigpen, and Schaub rip apart his next four opponents, you have to be high on him down the stretch. Sell the owner on a banged up line, a piss poor running attack, and an old Marvin Harrison. Now is the last chance to buy that 6'4", 240 lb. quarterback.

Matt Ryan (QB - ATL) Upcoming Schedule: DEN, CAR, SD, NO

Forget about Rookie of the year, whispers are now starting for MVP. He's thrown two TDs in four of his last five games. Suddenly Falcons fans are as excited as you were when Sharon Stone opened her legs in Basic Instinct. Find your inner Michael Douglas and attack while the iron is hot. Denver made Quinn capable in his NFL debut. San Diego hasn't stopped anyone through the air without their roided superstar Merriman. And you already saw what Ryan did in his first game against the Saints. The freshman fifteen here is not at the waist, but in your scoreboard every week from the quarterback position.

Ladainian Tomlinson (RB - SD) Upcoming Schedule: PIT, IND, ATL, OAK

Most people are downright sour on LT, but I'm not ready to show my bitter beer face. His market value couldn't be much lower right now and if you're worried about making the playoffs, wouldn't you want to see your RB1 facing the Colts, Falcons, and Raiders in the last three weeks of the regular season? The Chargers have shown the ability to move the ball through the air, which should open up some holes for LT going forward. Take advantage of another owner's perceived mistake and push the issue that LT's obviously not the same player he drafted. You might not even need alcohol to pull this off.

Marshawn Lynch (RB - BUF) Upcoming Schedule: CLE, KC, SF, MIA

No one's really sure what's been going on with Lynch in these last few weeks. Usually you could count on him as your fallback. Offering the same satisfaction of a McDonald's Double Cheeseburger, Lynch's 70 yards and a TD was seemingly a sure thing. In the last three weeks, he's had to fight through a tough divisional schedule, but he's got clear skies ahead. Throw on some SPF-15 and enjoy Lynch dominating one of the easiest schedules a RB could ask for in the next few weeks.

Chris Johnson (RB - TEN) Upcoming Schedule: JAX, NYJ, DET, CLE

Last week Johnson was introduced to the current situation on Wall Street. Swarmed by Bears, he was limited to his lowest output of the season. This week he'll face the Jacksonville defense which has given up productive fantasy days to Cedric Benson and Kevin Smith, not exactly the second coming of Payton and Sayers. While the Jets matchup isn't too friendly, Week 13 and 14 against the Lions and Browns will mean big things. Don't worry baby. You can always find the hole when you're running with a Big Johnson.
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Great Debates in Fantasy Football: How good is Larry Fitzgerald?

Since the return of Anquan Boldin, some people have started to wonder just who the #1 WR is in Arizona. Fitzgerald was rated higher than Boldin in the preseason rankings, but that could’ve been due to Boldin’s injury history. Now that the injury is out of the way and Steve Breaston has emerged, will Fitzgerald’s value drop through the floor? Our staff considered the situation.

Marble Ryan: So, we’re two weeks into my trade, and my "half right" edict is coming true. Fitz, despite his TD last night, is clearly the #2 WR in Arizona, and, on some occasions, the #3. Sure, I gave up 8 to 12 predictable points a week by trading Fitz, but I did relieve myself of a very frustrating situation: Boldin is obviously the unstoppable go-to guy and is Warner's personal favorite target. Eddie Royal and Fitz are arguably in the same situation: the #2 guy on teams that throw the ball all over the place. With the way Marshall gets doubled, Royal is an extremely attractive play, and I think his spottiness early season was injury related.

Mr. T: You can't seriously be comparing Fitzgerald to Royal. I think you're starting to go off the deep end when you say that Fitz is possibly the #3 WR on his team. If you look at catches yesterday, it was equally distributed between the receivers. Fitzgerald had 8 catches, Boldin had 7, and Breaston had 7. That's a pretty even distribution, and when you acknowledge that a majority of Breaston’s yardage came on a 46 yard bomb, the discrepancy doesn’t seem as wide. Last game was the first all year in which Fitz didn't catch a ball for longer than 10 yards and only the second game in which he didn't catch one of 20+. That's not statistically significant enough to question his yardage totals for that game. Then, you get to the red zone looks. From the game I was watching, I saw two looks to Boldin and two to Fitzgerald. Boldin just converted on his two. Fitz saw one go over his head; the other became a TD. Only in Marble’s world can a 10-point game from a receiver (on 8 catches) be called unproductive.

The Slow Eater: In no way are Fitz and Royal on the same level. I’ll admit that maybe I underestimated Royal (although his consistency still remains to be seen), but Fitz is the # 3 WR in Yahoo! scoring this season. Who cares if the #1 WR happens to be on his team? That's absolutely irrelevant for fantasy purposes. Fitz still puts up points each week and gives you the "explosivity" of some monster games.

Marble Ryan: I care about points, and, more importantly, I care about trends. The majority of Fitz's points came with Boldin out. With Boldin back, there is now 300 yards and two TDs to split between three equally-targeted WRs. In Denver, its the same stats split between 2.5 guys, only Marshall is double-covered way more than Boldin is. No one in their right mind would double Boldin with Fitz on the other side. In fact, Fitz is probably the one getting double-covered, which is why Boldin gets the love. Bottom line: you can't rely on Fitz's numbers from the weeks when Boldin was out because he had no face.

Mr. T: I agree with The Slow Eater: Fitz doesn’t become a less productive player just because Boldin is on the team. Wouldn't Boldin's production actually help Fitz and start pushing double coverage over to Boldin’s side? Can we rely on his numbers from last year when he finished as the #5 scoring WR? You're just bitter that no one wanted to overpay for Fitz in a trade by giving up a RB1 and therefore you've convinced yourself that he's not so good.

Marble Ryan: There's a reason no one wanted Fitzgerald and there's a reason no one drafted him. Slow Eater, if Fitz is so good, why wouldn't you give up crappy Braylon Edwards and a very inconsistent MJD for Fitz plus a solid McGahee? Why was Edwards drafted 8 spots ahead of him? All of you were worried about Boldin, and the past three weeks showed it was for good reason.

Mr. T: Now McGahee is solid? A week ago he was terrible. It's not that no one wanted to drafted Fitzgerald. He went after Moss, TO, Edwards, and Colston as the #5 WR. And you can't say that the Slow Eater knew what he was doing with WRs because he drafted Chad Johnson in the 4th round. I don't need to explain why Moss and TO went ahead of him. Colston has been hurt, but showed last week and last year why he went ahead of him. And then Edwards...well there was no reason to think he'd be as bad as he's been. But the point is that Fitz was still the #5 WR taken at the end of the 3rd round, exactly where he was supposed to be taken...

The Slow Eater: Fitzgerald’s point totals from this season in games in which Boldin has played are 9, 15, 16, 12, 11, 8, and 10. You average those numbers out for the whole season up till this point and he's still the #4 WR in all of football, as well as the most consistent. I’m not sure why you think you can't rely on his numbers. There isn't a WR you can rely on more.

Marble Ryan: That kind of just put me on the floor, although there's one WR you can rely on more, and his name is Anquan.
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Scout's Take: In which we discuss the downward spiral of the KL Crew, the challenge of finding solid QB play, and Thomas Jones' deceptively productive

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after spending all of our money on Sarah Palin bobbleheads, we had to fire them all. In their place are Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Michael J. Cox, Mr. T, Steve Stevens, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 10 action.

Michael J. Cox: In light of recent events, I'm revising my Romo/Jess Simpson comparison for Torry and shifting it to Robert Redford/Kim Basinger from the Natural. I'm afraid Glen Close isn't walking through that door though…

Marble Ryan: This downfall has nothing to do with karma. Torry could easily have himself in much better position right now, but he played his hand horribly. This isn't real football, depth doesn't help you. Get off your duff and make a trade. Too late now, as everyone smells blood and doesn't want to face that RB team in the playoffs.

Mr. T: Yeah you can talk about depth all you want, but you're always better beefing up your starting lineup. Everyone was ragging on my QB situation two weeks ago. I don't see how Torry’s is any better right now. Big Ben is not at 100% and is finding his inner Tommy Maddux. Frerotte and Cassel are not the answer. And then you have Jake Delhomme. That performance that Delhomme put up yesterday was one for the ages. You take out a long Deangelo Williams TD run and we're talking about the Raiders having a chance to win the game on their final drive.

Michael J. Cox: Amen, I've been totally Panther free for almost 10 months now and I couldn't feel better about it.

Marble Ryan: I would go so far as to say the KL Crew has the worst QB situation in the lig, surpassing the Z-Team. Big Ben went back to 2006, and he's been the king of the Hail Mary interception this year. Delhomme is just a joke.

Torry Hallelujah: It's easy to say that I should've dealt one of my RBs for a QB, but let's not forget that 4-week stretch when half my team was injured. If I hadn't had depth during those weeks, I would've been starting guys like Pierre Thomas and Kolby Smith. Go back and listen to the podcasts: any time Marble and I talked about a trade, it ended with me saying that I didn't have enough healthy players on my roster to deal away any RBs, and with Marble acknowledging that this was the case, as well.

Mr. T: The schedule doesn't get easy for Torry either. He's going to have to earn his playoff spot with games against Michael, myself, and the Slow Eater in week 14. Other than the game against Black Irish, there are no cupcakes there.

Torry Hallelujah: Also, the QB situation in the NFL is so up-and-down that I didn't want to risk making a trade for a guy who sucked/was injury prone. I could've traded for JTO or Matt Schaub, but where would that have gotten me? And a guy like Garrard isn't a big enough upgrade over the guys I have to risk losing an RB. Even guys like Rodgers and Cutler have had terrible games this year. You can blame me for not trying to trade for a Joe Flacco or Matt Ryan, just as long as you blame yourself, too — nobody could've predicted how good those guys were going to be on a consistent basis this year.

Mr. T: You sound like Marble crowning Flacco and Ryan. How about Romo when he was available. He would've been perfect for your 5-2-1 team that had some wiggle room. Or maybe you talk Bowser into a McNabb trade because you can offer him quality pieces. Manning was also on the market for a couple weeks. You missed your chance. Your window is closed. And this year it won't be because Kolby Smith took you to the woodshed.

Michael J. Cox: Yeah, I mean I stuck it out through some absolutely BRUTAL Flacco performances before he took his John Elway pill and started looking like the second coming. I'm still not totally convinced. I still find it hilarious that I a) started the season rolling with Tom Brady & DA thinking I was in great shape at QB, then b) found myself with Joe Flacco and Warner thinking I was in terrible shape, and now c) I still have Joe Flacco & Warner and am back to thinking I'm in great shape. Fantasy football is hilarious.

Michael J. Cox: I'll also add that watching Arizona games for me now makes me realize what it's like for a mom to watch their son play high school football. Every time Warner drops back I'm excited that he could do something great, but also absolutely terrified that he might be killed and completely destroy both of my fantasy teams. Entertaining stuff....

Marble Ryan: The Crew was actually in disarray last year at this time as well, until I saved his season with that preposterous trade. On a side not, an interesting development in week 10 fantasy world...the annual appearance of Ryan Moats, this time on the Texans. Not sure if Slaton is really hurt, but if he is, get ready for moats to make his yearly appearance in someone's starting lineup. Moats has turned the tides of more than one fantasy season in his life.

Mr. T: He wasn't hurt. They were getting their butts kicked and Slaton was ineffective. It was mop up work.

Torry Hallelujah: That’s fine, I’m happy to give up my role as a frontrunner in favor of becoming the proverbial Team That No One Wants to Play. Give me that 4th seed and I’ll put The Chefs on the floor. Put it on the board!

Michael J. Cox: There's an absolute red alert betting play this evening's for those of you interested in such things. 7 point teaser with Cards -2.5 & Over 39. Book that one...

Mr. T: I still can't believe Rex didn't throw that second interception this weekend. And that would've been your red alert betting prop of the weekend out of all your suggestions. The Titans, Giants, and Giants/Eagles overs were nice plays too.

Michael J. Cox: I was high on the Rex prop, but am way higher on this. This would have gone in giant block letters in my write-up, but this is actually the first time that I'm seeing the line. It was on the 2nd page of the odds site that I was looking at and I totally missed it until today. Shocker with Rex though. I would have given you 3/1 yesterday after Rex threw the pick in the 1st quarter that he'd have a 2nd one.

Lafayette Gold: I’m smoke and mirrors, right? Bball on Grass almost pulled out another W with Moss and Bryant on bye and Bush and Hassel still out with injuries. Once I get Reggie and Hassel back this "operation" will be smooth sailing...

Mr. T: The fact that you named all that talent not playing proves it was a smoke and mirrors operation. I've told you for weeks that Toomer isn't a viable starting option. Kevin Faulk showed this week why he's not either. Gonzalez is the 3rd receiver on his own team and he went against the league's best pass defense. Lance Moore got lucky with a Hail Mary 40 yard TD or his stat line would've sucked. That's what we call smoke and mirrors.

Lafayette Gold: If Toooma doesn’t get tackled inside the one it’s a 12 pt night which is solid for my last WR.

Mr. T: Yeah well based on your luck of a run first Tennessee offense getting Collins two passing TDs, you can't worry about a Toomer if. You just don't have the talent that other teams in this league have. Look at how many teams will drop 120+ this week. There's a reason you're last in the league in points. You're putting up as much offense as your man Tiller does week in and week out.

Lafayette Gold: Look at the remaining schedule dude. I like the chances of my smoke and mirror operation making the playoffs which is more than I can say for the overrated and overhyped A-Team. Much like Joe Tiller B-Ball on Grass takes the foot off the gas once we have the game in hand.

Mr. T: I've scored 141 more points than you this year. That's 14.1 points a week! You're team sucks. You got lucky a few times and that's how you're 6-4. Hopefully the laws of statistics will correct your record by season's end so you and Black Irish can complain about your college and fantasy teams over a White Russian.

Marble Ryan: Mr. T and Lafayette, I'll settle your little tiff right now: both of your teams are garbaaj. I've beaten Lafayette twice scoring below my season average both times, and I beat Mr. T with one starting QB because I was on the subway from Brooklyn when Schaub decided he was too hung-over to play. Stop arguing and start preparing for 2009...you two are like the CEOs of GM and Ford arguing over who's going to zero first.

Mr. T: When Thomas Jones takes a dump on your forehead in our Week 14 matchup, eliminating you from the playoffs, we'll see who is talking. FYI, he's got the Niners in Week 14. Can you taste it?

Lafayette Gold: Your team is all over the map. Your average score is deceptive cuz one week you put up 137 and the next you put up 77. When you lose your team shits the bed big time.... I have had two very bad weeks keeping my total points down. I knew week 4 was a bad loss heading into the season with the bye situation. Face it, your team is inconsistent which is why you are stuck in mediocrity much like Black Irish’s Golden Domers.

Mr. T: Chad Pennington has more points than everyone on your team other than Eli Manning. QUIT YOUR YAPPIN!

Marble Ryan: I actually like Mr. T’s team for that 4th playoff spot and the team no one wants to play. That running back trio of Barber, Portis, and Jones is actually better than a combination of the three who Torry can roll out. Torry does have Marshall, but Tony G over Jan Carlson neutralizes that advantage. After that the rest is a crap pile on both sides.

Mr. T: Do all of you respect Thomas Jones by now? 25, 15, 11, 15, and 32 are his point totals in the last 5 weeks. He's already at my predicted 8 TDs. And he's on pace for 1,333 rushing yards (33 more than my prediction). Long live Julius' older brother...

Torry Hallelujah: I’ve respected TJ all year — he’s much faster than anyone gives him credit for. It’s weird how some elite backs LT, Shaun Alexander completely lose their burst as they get older but other, mediocre RBs are able to hold onto their skill/speed longer into their careers.

Steve Stevens: Yeah, another Jets RB in Curtis Martin would be a good example of that.

Mr. T: It's a good thing someone on our website can have credibility after Marble Ryan's love for LJ and hate for Adrian Peterson. And we might as well add Torry's love for Jeremy Shockey.
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That Was Really One for the Ages, Jake Delhomme

First, I take a lot of shit for starting you on the bye last week.

Now, Jake Delhomme, this.

I’ve seen a lot of crappy QB performances in my day, Jake Delhomme — I once lost because of Rex Grossman’s now infamous -7 point performance in the “crown their asses!” game against the Cardinals a few years ago — but this one is right up there.

7-for-27, 72 yards, 1 TD and 4 INTs? I mean, how does that even happen? Did you have another Tommy John surgery at halftime?

Thing is, I can’t even say that you’re the reason I lost this week. Getting 10 or 15 points from you would’ve helped, sure, but my team would still have most likely lost. Your efforts yesterday were just so colossally terrible that I take them as nothing less than a sign of disrespect. That’s why, Jake Delhomme, I think we should part ways.

I would say, “it’s not you, it’s me,” but it really is you. Four interceptions, I’m afraid, don’t cut it on my team.

So see ya around, Jake. Enjoy that waiver wire spot next to Dane Looker. Hear he’s a great guy. I’m sure you two will get along great.

Who Else Do the People Hate?

Brian Westbrook can eat a dick. This guy claims to be healthy and then he puts up that 26 rushing yard display against the Giants this week. I thought you were supposed to be your team's MVP! Go shove a steak from Pat's where the sun don't shine...wiz wit!

- Mr. T, New York, NY

Can't the Ravens figure out their RB situation? I mean really, can't then?? The last two weeks I've gotten screwed with this McGahee/Rice situation. Both week I've started the guy who was announced to start and get the most carries. Just pick one guy and end it!!!

- Larry S., Baltimore, MD
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