Draft 2008: Love and Hate, Part 1

Love: Larry Johnson, RB Kansas City Chiefs

In the fall of 2005, Britney Spears ruined the life of her son Sean Preston by giving birth to him, a movie about closeted gay cowboys ruffled some feathers, and Larry Johnson ran roughshod all over the league, putting up 16 games’ worth of yardage and TDs in just half a season. In 2006, LJ recorded the league’s first ever 100,000 carry season under an offensive scheme that made Woody Hayes’s old game plans look like the stuff of Air Coryell. The effects were as visible as they were predictable: LJ slogged through a brutal season (in which he didn’t have a single great game) before being sidelined with an injury. One of the most promising talents in the NFL has become a 2nd round pick.

But I just can't stop thinking about 2005: the Pat O'Brien voicemails, that runaway bride with the crazy eyes, and Larry Johnson running through defenses with no regard for human life. The past is now the future, and the only way not to get burned by LJ this year is to draft him in Round 1.

Hate: Adrian Peterson, RB Minnesota Vikings

I won't beat around the bush; it's personal between me and AD. In Week 6 of last season, I squared off against Mr. T, who had AD on his roster. AD torched both me and the Bears with a bruising 226 yard, 3 TD performance. Flustered by what happened, I decided to trade for him, offering up Carson Palmer and Kellen Winslow. In Weeks 7 and 8, he notched two unimpressive performances, rushing for a total of 130 yards and 1 TD. So I did what any guy afraid of commitment would’ve done: I dumped his ass, sending him to Torry Hallelujah for Travis Henry, Selvin “Slim at the Waist” Young, and Donald Driver. By doing so, I broke a very important fantasy rule: never trade a player to the team you’re about to play. Three days after the trade went through, AD redefined how we think of athletic achievement with a 296 yard, 3 TD fantasy explosion.

That game single-handedly sent me into a depression that lasted nearly four months. At times, my loved ones weren’t sure that I’d ever recover. Nine months later, I’m back to my old self and can finally think objectively about the man known as “All Day.” What I’ve come to is this: his injury history combined with the fact that his team’s passing game will be led by the poor man’s Shaun King, Tavaris Jackson, render all of the talk about him being the #1 pick totally preposterous. He’ll have big games, sure, but he doesn’t belong with the guys who’ve done it before (LT, Westbrook) or the ones who have a more talented supporting cast (Addai, Tom Brady). The bottom line is that AD is a #1 talent who will likely have a #6 season.

Sleeper Love: Chris Perry, RB Cincinnati Bengals

A Tiki Barber-type run/catch talent who could reenergize a Cincy offense that looked very pedestrian at times last season. Rudi Johnson is on his way out the door, and Kenny Watson is the next Nick Goings—one good year of spot duty, never to be heard from again.

Sleeper Hate: Ricky Williams, RB Miami Dolphins

C'mon, you've got to be kidding me. Ronnie Brown is a freak of nature and will be 100% healthy by the start of the season. And if you're picking Williams because you think he's left the ganja behind, well, you don't know anything about football or ganja.