The Michael J. Cox Lock of the Week

With Marble Ryan fleeing to Mexico this week to evade his bookie, I’ll once again be taking the reins of the Lock of the Week and trying to help you get your own personal stimulus check from the NFL. Now I’m no Barack Obama, so don’t expect a free house or a $30 pre-paid Visa card, but I’ll still do my very best to help you out in these economically challenging times.

Let’s start with the bad news. Yes, we got hurt a little last week with the Titans non-cover win. It was one of those wonderful moments when you’re watching excited players hugging and high-fiving on the field as your watching on TV screaming, “What the fuck are you jerk-offs celebrating for?!?!?!?!?” All good things must come to an end, and I only hope that you were able to cash in on Tennessee before the streak ended.

With that in mind, I suppose we can go ahead and forgive the Titans for last week because they’re going to help us win it right back this week. Why’s that, you ask? Well look no further than the address bar of your Web browser, folks. Yep, the gambling event we’ve been waiting for all season: the return of our old friend Rextasy! And as if that’s not enough to make you reach for your wallet like Isiah Thomas for his bottle of Lunesta, he’s going against the best D in the league! After a half season on the bench, he’ll be well rested and ready to hit Titans defensive backs in stride all day long.

I’d love to give you some detailed stats, meaningful analysis or rock solid trends on this, but what else do you really need? If you can’t bring yourself to give three points away to Rex against the NFL’s best team, you should probably go ahead and delete your bookie’s phone number and start spending your Sundays perusing PotteryBarn.com.

The pick (home team in caps): Tennessee -3 over CHICAGO

Bonus picks:

• Giants +3 in Philly
• Giants/Eagles OVER 43

Prop alert:

• Rex is listed at +135 to go over 1.5 interceptions. Let’s think about this one for a second. Tennessee’s first priority is going to be stopping Matt Forte and the Chicago running game, right? That means Rex is going to have to go out there and win this one, and we know what that means — especially if Chicago gets down early. Take the over.

Loose change:

• The San Diego line (-15.5!) is absolutely crazy considering they’re 3-5. What’s even crazier is that I think they’re definitely covering it.
• Brady Quinn. I’d describe last night’s debut as “unimpressively impressive.” It’s unclear to me if the Browns chose not to throw downfield because they were trying to keep things simple for Quinn or if they just don’t think he has the artillery for it, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. It’s obviously too soon to tell, but my gut feeling on him after last night’s performance is “game manager.”