You Know Who You Should Sit?

Greg Jennings (WR – GB) Marble Ryan's personal favorite "talented motherfucker" has been a beast so far this season, but the ride comes to an end this week as GJ runs head first into the immovable Titans defense. Tennessee has yet to allow a strong game from an opposing receiver this season, which is pretty amazing considering that it’s Week 9. Tennessee will shut down Jennings’ ability to get yards after the catch, which his fantasy value hinges on. Expect mediocre numbers, after which a frustrated Marble Ryan will immediately trade Jennings for the "explosivity" of Tyler Thigpen and a Brother Jimmy's pulled pork dinner and two side dishes to be named later.

You Know Who You Should Also Sit?

Brett Farve (QB – NYJ) Everyone's favorite gunslinger has returned! After tricking many of us into believing that in his old age, he’d discovered some maturity and restraint as a quarterback, Favre’s gone back to his old ways of trying to do way too much on his own and refusing the accept the fact that, regardless of what Deanna Farve says, he no longer has the physical prowess of a 27-year-old. He's thrown 7 interceptions in the past 3 games against some mediocre defenses. Expect him to struggle mightily against the solid Buffalo D.

Steve Slaton (RB – HOU) It might be tempting to start Slaton if Ahman Green is out this weekend as expected, but even with a full load of carries, Slaton won't be able to do anything against Minnesota's tough run D. Expect Houston to build their gameplan around Matt Shaub's rejuvenated arm and Minnesota's mediocre pass D. Even if he's the only Houston back playing, Slaton’s unlikely to get more than a handful of touches.

Terrell Owens (WR – DAL) The #2 WR taken in just about every fantasy draft, TO has been so disappointing of late that it's time to bench him — at least until Romo returns in 2 weeks. In the each of the past 3 games, Owens’ yardage totals have ended up in the 30s, and after scoring 5 times in the first 5 games, he hasn’t found the end zone since. I don't see Checkdown Johnson doing a much better job of getting him the ball this week, so you can expect more mediocre fantasy numbers and sideline pouting.

Edgerrin James (RB – ARI) His yards per carry average has been mediocre all season (and has been for each of the past 3 seasons, actually), but what’s kept Edge useful for fantasy purposes has been his guaranteed number of touches. Well, that trend seems to be mercifully coming to an end this year. With Arizona relying more and more on their explosive passing game and giving an increasing number of carries to rookie Tim Hightower (including all the goal line chances), it's about time to take the once-great RB out back and put him out of misery. Edge has had fewer than 10 carries in 3 of his past 4 games, and Arizona Coach Ken Wisenhunt recently referred to their RB situation as a "position battle." The last time Wisenhunt made such a claim, the "battle" was more of a massacre and "starter" Matt Leinart ended up on the sidelines with a clipboard in his hands. Expect a similar outcome here.
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You Know Who You Should Start?

Seeing is believing — at least that’s what a homeless guy said to me last night after I gave him a couple Hostess mini muffins. I decided to take the hobo’s good words into mind when deciding who will be extra productive this weekend.

Trent Edwards & Lee Evans (QB, WR — BUF) We start in Buffalo where we’ve seen Lee Evans refine his game to become a complete receiver. While no man will ever complain about his explosivity, Evans has also shown the ability to make short and medium-range grabs over the last two weeks. Historically, he owns the Jets, and this week should be no different. Last week I saw the Jets defense make Tyler Thigpen — the same one who was serving you French fries in August — look like a professional QB. Trent Edwards can actually throw the ball around a little, so things should be very positive for this Bills offense on Sunday. Besides, with the way Favre has been turning the ball over, the Bills should see some extra possessions. What’s not to like?


You Know Who Else You Should Start?

David Garrard (QB — JAX) Garrard has been consistent lately, throwing TDs in each of his last four games, doubling up in two of them. Add a Cincinnati defense that’s already picturing its offseason at the Waffle House counter and this should be a good one for Garrard.

Justin Fargas (RB – OAK) Insert a Sid Farkas joke here. No seriously, you insert it for me — I’ll be too busy watching Fargas run wild on a mediocre Falcons D with no injured McFadden to help him.

Donnie Avery (WR – STL) We told you to start Donnie Avery last week and the little man showed up. Press the action on #17 and see that roulette wheel payout again.

Kevin Curtis (WR – PHI) Last week’s game for the Seattle defense was an anomaly. Last time I checked, the Eagles are winners, a group Michael Singletary would be proud of. Andy Reid won’t need to drop trou at halftime to inspire his troops, either. That’s something no one wants to see.

Donald Lee (TE – GB) On Monday night, Dallas Clark was seen knifing up the Titans defense. Scouts have told Matthew Berry that defending the TE is the only weakness the Titans D has. I’ll see TMR’s recommendation and raise you.

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Cox Block: My Response to the Marble Ryan Lock of the Week

So this week instead of reading Marble Ryan’s cute little write-up of his standard shitty pick – he’s currently too busy at work to find the worst betting game of the week for you – you’re getting a pick that actually has a shot at netting you some cash.

I feel somewhat reluctant to publish my reasoning for this pick. After all, Marble Ryan might get the idea to actually start looking up this sort of information before submitting the picks that I’m required to bet against. But in the spirit of wealth redistribution championed by our next president, I feel obliged to go ahead write it. So here goes.

TENNESSEE -5 over Green Bay


My reasoning, you ask? Pretty simple. Consider all of the Titans ATS trends in play this week from my friends at covers.com:

• Titans are 7-0 ATS in their last 7 games overall.
• Titans are 7-0 ATS in their last 7 games on grass.
• Titans are 7-0 ATS in their last 7 games following a S.U. win.
• Titans are 4-0 ATS in their last 4 home games.
• Titans are 6-0 ATS in their last 6 games following an ATS win.
• Titans are 5-1 ATS in their last 6 games after accumulating less than 90 yards rushing in their previous game.
• Titans are 6-2 ATS in their last 8 home games vs. a team with a winning road record.
• Titans are 3-7 ATS in their last 10 games after scoring more than 30 points in their previous game.
• Titans are 0-5 ATS in their last 5 games when playing on Sunday following a Monday night game.

I left in the negative trends in just so I could point out that the last Monday night game that the Titans played was in 2004, so that last 0-5 — the only really alarming trend here — is put into perspective. You have to go back pretty far to find those 5 ATS losses. The only people picking based on the 3-7 trend are either monumentally desperate suicide poolers or guys with the first name Marble.

That said, only one of the positive trends really matters to me: Titans 7-0 ATS this season. Tell me this: when was the last time you saw someone successfully do something 7 times in a row and then bet against them doing it an 8th time?

Was it shooting free throws? Maybe picking up hot girls in a club? What about succumbing to heinous girls in an Upper East Side bar?

No, no and definitely no.

The answer is never. You never, NEVER, bet against this sort of trend until it has been broken. Betting trends are like great blow jobs – they always end – but until they do, you ride them out and treasure every moment.
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Great Debates in Fantasy Football: Is this one of the oddest deals of all time?

At 12:23 a.m. last night, the following came over our league news wire:
“Marble Ryan agrees to trade Matt Schaub, Larry Fitzgerald, Willis McGahee and Isaac Bruce to Bruno for Tony Romo, Randy Moss, Sammy Morris, and Eddie Royal.”

We’ve analyzed mediocre trades before, but this blockbuster definitely shook up the league. Did Marble Ryan move himself closer to a championship, or did he take Wo Ai Beijing out of contention?

Marble Ryan: I understand that on the surface it appears I've given up value with every component of the trade. You can make the argument that I should've been upgraded in another area for giving Schaub up for an injured Romo. Here's my rationale: I play Steve Stevens this week, so I have time to wait. I am very down on Fitz with Boldin taking away red zone looks, and I think Moss is on the rise. And finally, I don't believe Morris is really hurt — the Pats are just messing around — and I think he's a much better play than McGahee. I don't think he's going to be out two more weeks. He'll play Week 10 at the latest. Also, I had no WR3, and I like Royal much better than Bruce. I'm rolling with Orlovsky at QB for the time being. Not counting that safety, take a look at his numbers — he's actually been good. And do you really think Romo can't heal from a broken pinky after 5 weeks off? He'll be fine. Schaub just gets you what the defense gives him. He's got to play Tennessee and Baltimore later on, and I think he'll revert to the form he showed in the first quarter of the season.

Mr. T: Marble, on behalf of the league, I'd like to thank you for making this trade. You've ensured a better chance for all the rest of us to make the playoffs. You're way way too down on Fitz. The guy is a legit name receiver and you basically gave him away. Let's look at something:

Points:
Player A - 9, 15, 16, 12, 15
Player B - 8, 32, 8, 17, 18

Besides the anomaly week of 32 vs. 15, does it really look like one player is better than the other? This is what happens when you don't actually pay attention to the games at Blondies. Player A is Fitz and Player B is Boldin. Those are the 5 games they've been on the field together. There's really no difference in their numbers once you remove the outliers.

You made this statement that you'd only trade Fitz for a legit RB and you didn't get that in this deal. So, nice job there. If this had been Schaub and Fitz for Romo and Moss, then it might've made some sense. But of the final six games of the fantasy season, Romo’s going to miss two of them. When he comes back, what's he really worth? 5 points a game?

Right now the best QB is averaging 18 a game and guys like Pennington, Garrard, Campbell, and Delhomme all average between 5-8 points less. For your RB2 and flex positions right now, you’ll be choosing between Morris (injured for at least 2 more weeks), Deuce (suspension looming), Selvin Young (banged up and crummy), and Kevin Smith (splitting carries). And when McAllister gets suspended in mid-November, what are you gonna do then?

You also say that you wanted to upgrade at WR3. Royal hasn't scored a TD since week 2. His yardage totals with Brandon Marshall in the lineup are 37, 11, 104, 23, and 71. I hate to break it to you, but he’s not a WR3.

Michael J. Cox: Marble, who are you starting at QB the next few weeks? You could be out of this thing before Romo even gets back, and the guy has a broken finger on his throwing hand. Did you see that thing he was wearing on it the game he was active? Think that's worth rolling with Seneca Wallace or Dan Orlovsky for 2-3 weeks when Schaub has been lights out lately? Also, do you really think Morris is going to be that strong of an option after Faulk & Green-Ellis have put in decent showings with him out? This is a Bill Belichick fantasy RB situation here. It doesn't turn out well over the long term for anyone.

The Slow Eater: I think that Marble Ryan doesn't appreciate the godsend that is Fitz. I know you crave explosivity, but you have to give Fitz's consistency some love. The last game in which he had less than 80 receiving yards and failed to score a TD was Week 1…of last season! That's a full season and a half of solid numbers he's been putting up every single week, with some monster games thrown in the mix. Having a WR like that gives you a huge edge. I'm very concerned that I'm going to regret not trading you for him when I had the chance. I just realized that I'm going against Bruno this week, and whereas of yesterday he was going to start Jamarcus Russell and Tyler Thigpen at QB, and Morris, who isn't even going to play this week, at RB, I have to deal with facing Schaub, Mcgahee, and Fitz. Fuck!

Steve Stevens: Just say "No" to Lions, Marble. You're making my draft mistake all over again with your acquisition of Kevin Smith and Orlovsky...

Torry Hallelujah: When this trade came over the wire, I thought about how Michael J. Cox was saying that there's definitely something to taking the Malcolm Gladwell "instinct is everything" approach when picking NFL games. My instinctive reaction to this swap? One of the worst trades I've seen in my 8 years of playing fantasy football.

Marble Ryan: You have a point about the Lions, but Orlovsky is a temporary backstop. You guys have no idea how frustrating it is to watch Warner never take his eyes off Boldin in the end zone, and then watch Boldin effortlessly get open for the TD grab while Fitz stands there pleasantly. It was great when Boldin was out, but that's over now and Fitz is back to being the #2 guy. If he's so great, why did I never receive one legit offer for him when he was openly on the block? There was no bid, and there has to be a reason for that. Deep down everyone wants to avoid him because of the Boldin overhang. And let's just wait and see what I get from Moss and Morris. I'm making a bet, and I like the direction they are going. Everyone loves Fitz until they think about giving something up for him, evidently. You all could have had him, you all could have drafted him. He's only worth something when you can trash me for setting him loose.

Mr. T: Marble, you always say you make one trade too many. This is that trade. How does this trade resemble a legitimate offer? An injured QB, a WR without his QB, an injured mediocre RB, and a WR4? And you're going to deal with a Belichick situation with injuries? Good Luck with that. You do realize Moss played better in the two games where Cassel was throwing at home, right? Of course he's gonna be better at home. And Moss' games weren't even that good! Apparently McGahee's TDs in back-to-back weeks was too much for you to handle. Your RB situation is absolutely putrid now. The problem here is you never seem to grasp the idea of market value. You traded away guys at their highest values, but you didn't receive guys whose market values were on the same level. When you buy low, you don't give up quality!

Marble felt like Mike Shanahan hasn't tossed his salad enough that he figured he'd ask Belichick to do it now. Jelly or syrup, big guy?
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"The Line Up" with The Lieutenant

Watching Brett Favre play quarterback for the Jets might lead you to call Captain Wango for some extra ganj. I’ll give you a pass for now, but don’t let me catch you doing it again. Otherwise we’re shipping you up to the Federal Penitentiary in Quahog. Enjoy the ol’ pound me in the ass prison. Giggity.

Pineapple Express

- After issuing last week’s rap sheet, Santonio Holmes got caught outside of Mellon Arena with a couple of blunts. Holmes’ SUV was mistaken for another vehicle supposedly carrying “a large amount of narcotics.” The S.O.B was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but brother should’ve gotten himself some in-state plates! I guess he didn’t realize people actually go to Penguins games now. Maybe Sid the Kid supplied an assist for the 5-0. But with the team suspension out of the way, Holmes should be a safe play for the rest of the season. Since Holmes has stayed clean since his assault charge of '06, the league won’t drop the hammer until everything flows through the courts. Over the rest of the season, I expect him to put up numbers on par with last year.

- Deuce McAllister must have himself confused with my 15-year-old daughter. Feeling like he needed to lose a deuce or ten after his knee surgery, McAllister took a weight loss supplement that also serves as a masking agent. Deuce, if you feel like you need to “freshen,” just give me a heads up. As George Costanza once said, “I’m concerned — I’m paying for those meals!” The suspension appeals apparently aren’t being heard until mid-November, which means Deuce is in the clear in the short term. After the Saints’ Week 9 bye, he’s got primetime matchups against Atlanta and KC. You might want to nab Pierre Thomas as a little insurance, though. Reggie Bush should return by the time Deuce gets put on lockdown.

Chris Henry Watch

Have you seen that Cincinnati offense? That shit is fucking depressing. You’ll need a few qualudes just to watch their games. And while you’re on that shit, don’t be cracked up enough to pickup Chris Henry. The only thing he’s got at is taking the new stereo out of your new Mazda M6.

I Got Effed Auto-drafting on Yahoo

I’m almost ready to give up on my fantasy season. Shit has gotten so bad that Curly over in Cell Block D beat me last week. If he weren’t behind bars for the next 70 years for killing his wife, I might care.

Week 8 Total:

QB: Ingle Martin (0 pts) – Quinn Gray passed him on the depth chart this week. Fuck!

RB: Pierre Thomas (2 pts) – Hope Sean Payton enjoyed his crumpets…

RB: Adrian Peterson (0 pts) – I still can’t believe I drafted the wrong fucking Adrian Peterson.

WR: Brandon Middletown (0 pts) – Why me?

WR: Early Doucet (0 pts) – Dude’s only catch got him an STD.

RB/WR: John Paul Foschi (0 pts) Herm, seriously! Look to Foschi to ice the game.

TE: Anthony Becht (0 pts) – At least the Jets drafted a franchise QB that year.

D: St. Louis (7 pts) – Didn’t they realize Matt Cassel licks ball sack?!?

K: Nick Novack (0 pts) – When you can’t make a 39-yard FG, you get cut.

This Day in Fantasy Football: October 30, 1995

When Richard Richards refused to trade Eric Metcalf to Billy Murphy in their fifth grade fantasy football league, Murphy put some pubic hair in Richards’ mashed potatoes. Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come for Richards, as Murphy was the proud owner of pubic lice. Upon digesting the mashed potatoes, Richards passed out and hit his head on the table. The head injuries were so severe that Richards was unable to make adjustments to his starting lineup for Week 9 and eventually missed the playoffs by half a game.
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Reversing the Trend: When Good Players Go Bad (and Then Maybe Become Good Again)

The fantasy football season is long, especially if you make the playoffs. I know, I know, that sounds like something that would come out of the mouth of Emmitt Smith, but bear with me for a minute here.

See, for probably half the teams in your league, the fantasy football season is already over. For the teams still in the hunt, though, the season is only just beginning.

Here’s what I mean: every team in the league likely has at least one bust on the roster. It usually involves a veteran player who was drafted high based on reputation and past performance. And while these busts seem like terrible albatrosses for their owners right now, the fact is that some will eventually emerge and will likely play a role in determining who advances to the championship game.

Back in 2002-2003, I won a fantasy league mostly thanks to Randy Moss’s 113-yard, 2 TD performance in Week 15. This doesn’t seem surprising at all in retrospect, but Moss actually had a terrible season in 2002. Before Week 15, Moss was averaging 78 yards and .38 TDs a game – numbers far below what he was expected to put up. Remember, this was the year that Moss ran over that traffic cop with his car.

So which highly-drafted stars will fall into the Randy Moss category this year? Let’s take a look at some that will – and won’t – reward you for your patience down the stretch.

Ben Roethlisberger (QB – PIT) I drafted Big Ben in Round 3 (hey, it’s a 2-QB league), and, to be honest, the results have been really disappointing. He continues to show flashes of brilliance on his deep throws to Nate Washington, but Ben is just throwing too many picks this year. If you look at Ben’s career, his seasons have a way of finishing how they started (good, really good, terrible, great), so the outlook isn’t good for the big kid from Ohio. Throw in the toughest schedule the NFL has seen since the era of Sammy Baugh and Y.A. Tittle and you have a guy who’s probably not going to come around before the season’s end. On the bright side, Mike Tomlin said that Ben reinjured his shoulder in the Giants game.

Ryan Grant (RB – GB) I shared my positive outlook on Grant in last week’s now infamous lists column, and my opinion hasn’t changed much. The biggest problem with Grant has been his hammy, and that has seemed to come around in recent weeks (Grant notched his first 100-yard game the week before the bye). When the throwing conditions in Lambeau start to worsen, look for the Pack to ride Grant, who showed last season during the playoffs that he’s a late-season performer.

Derek Anderson, Braylon Edwards, and Kellen Winslow (CLE) As soon as the Browns are mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and the pressure dissipates, look for this trio to start putting up major numbers. In a 1-QB league, it’s possible you’ll be able to find Anderson (or Brady Quinn) on the waiver wire. Edwards and Winslow are guys worth buying low on.

Plaxico Burress (WR – NYG) The malcontent from Michigan State only has 3 TDs on the year and hasn’t recorded a 100-yard game since Week 1. The Giants’ schedule doesn’t get much easier from here, but I think Plax is a guy who’s going come on down the stretch, provided the Giants don’t completely run away from the division. Burress is dying to get back at the coaching staff after all of those fines. What better way than a few big TDs followed by angry glares to the sideline?

Roy E. Williams (WR – DAL) Roy E. Biv’s longhorn salute after he scored a TD last week was nice, but I wouldn’t expect many more of them until Tony Romo comes back in November. As I said in last night’s podcast, though, I’m incredibly bullish on the Cowboys from a fantasy perspective; once #9 does return to action, I expect them to start lighting it up. Roy’s yardage totals will never be great because of all the weapons Dallas has on offense, but I can see him becoming a T.O. touchdown thief – and a solid #2 fantasy WR – by the end of the season.

Torry Holt (WR – STL) He’s got nowhere to go but up. I’m not sure how you can put this guy in your starting line-up until he shows some signs of life, but you should definitely keep him on your roster. The emergence of Donnie Avery should result in less double teams for the man formerly known as “Big Game.” If you’re planning a trade with an owner who has Holt, it’s worth seeing if you can get him involved in the trade as a throw-in.
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Week 9 Podcast: "I did not realize Kevin Walter was white. Did not realize that."

Marble Ryan joins Torry Hallelujah to discuss the Matt Schaub's explosivity, the trend toward smaller receivers, and who’s hot and who’s not on the waiver wire.

Donwload the Podcast



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Being Bad isn't Always Good

As Marble Ryan mentioned during last week’s podcast, there’s many an NFL team in disarray. Due to injuries and suspensions teams like the Lions, the Seahawks, and even the Dallas Cowboys are shadows of their former prolific selves. Good fantasy football GMs adjust accordingly in these hard times. Unfortunately, you can’t repackage these mediocre offenses and sell them to a small municipality in Australia to save your season. After spending his Monday restructuring the Icelandic banking system, Mr. T is here for you. This week we look at the teams in disarray and let you know who is still a viable commodity.

Cincinnati Bengals – Entering the season as a possible offensive juggernaut, the Bengals now appear as washed up as Suzanne Somers. If you look ahead on the schedule, opponents such as Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, and Washington have you reaching for that emergency pair of Huggies. T.J. Houshmandzadeh is the only automatic weekly start and that’s even a tenuous label. He’s caught 7 balls or more in his last four games, but his yards per catch and end zone opportunities have been limited. Chad Johnson should remain on your pine since he won’t be breaking off big plays with Ryan Fitzpatrick behind center. Fitzpatrick himself is a name we hope you never have to see in the starting lineup. Cedric Benson has emerged as a bye-week flex play, but he’d provide more entertainment on your yacht than in your starting lineup.

Dallas Cowboys – Where have you gone Big O in Big D? You know it’s desperate times when Brooks Bollinger’s name comes up as a possible QB replacement for Brad Johnson. Neither player would be a wise insertion into your starting lineup. Is it possible that Terrell Owens is no longer an automatic fantasy start? Better options might exist for you. Marion Barber is the only sure thing against the Giants this week. Thankfully Tony Romo should return in two weeks, one of which includes a bye, to return order back to your dynamic Dallas options.

Detroit Lions – Fantasy owners like Steve Stevens long for the days when they could cash in their frequent flyer miles on Air Martz. An injured QB and a trade have left the Lions cupboard mostly bare to fantasy owners. Calvin Johnson may be Megatron, but he’s hardly more than a high end WR3 with Dan Orlovsky at QB. The last two weeks have shown that despite the desire to get Johnson the ball, it takes a Hail Mary and a 90+ yard touchdown for him to be effective. The Lions insistence on playing Rudi Johnson is ridiculous. Kevin Smith should be getting the carries given his possibility for growth, but since Rod Marinelli is coaching the Lions and not serving you a slice of Sicilian at your local pizzeria, neither RB should be used. Choose Smith if in need of a bye week fill-in because at least he sees passing downs and the Lions will always be losing.

Kansas City Chiefs – Not going anywhere for a while LJ? Grab a Snickers. After Larry Johnson comes out of Commissioner Goodell’s office on Tuesday, he may be suspended for the foreseeable future. Regardless he was rather mediocre when he played. The Lieutenant already touched on the K.C. backfield last Thursday. Surprisingly both Dwayne Bowe and Tony Gonzalez have been productive with Tyler Thigpen. While Thigpen should prove to be worthless, Gonzalez is a must start at TE and Bowe is handling himself well as a low end WR2 or high end WR3. If only he could grab himself some TDs…

Seattle Seahawks – The Seahawks might have the largest dearth of healthy offensive talent in the NFL right now. Once regarded as a viable RB2 or flex play, Julius Jones has shown what I expected over the last four weeks. All the receivers are useless with Seneca Wallace looking less effective than Tommy Callahan at getting you a good look at a T-Bone inside a Butcher’s ass. Wait, it was your bull…
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Scout’s Take: In which we discuss a trade of the emergence of Matt Schaub, Jamal Lewis' consistency, and the ghost of Santonio Holmes

Each week, our scouts gather to share their observations on the most noteworthy Sunday performances. Unfortunately, after blowing all of our money at Gray's Papaya, we had to fire them all. In their place are Lafayette Gold, Marble Ryan, Mr. T, and Torry Hallelujah, who let us know what they took away from the Week 8 action.

Mr. T: I'm willing to finally take some heat for the Schaub/Jones trade now that it looks like JTO has lost his job. I should've let nature take its course. You wanted JTO more than Schaub, I should've let you have him. And I still would've been able to get Tom Jones. Sometimes you gotta let the animals control the zoo. I still contest it's not a bad trade on my part. I have no problem with Jones. He's produced well the last three weeks. If only the Jets had a half decent offensive coordinator who didn't let Favre throw all the time. And the Anvil netted me Lee Evans, who has been consistent. I still can't believe Michael J. Cox stroked me with 137 though. Wow.

Marble Ryan: You only look bad in the trade because you refused to give up JTO. It's not just that JTO has lost his job, but Schaub is averaging about 25 ppg since he relocated to Beijing. I can't take credit since I basically begged you for JTO and only capitulated for Schaub since I was desperate. It's a bad trade for you because your QB situation is the worst in the Lig. Favre is going to retire mid-season and your #2 has been benched. I don't even know who else you have, but I don't think you can make the playoffs with that QB situation and a WR situation that isn't much better...

Mr. T: Yep. Like I said, I should've let you get what you wanted. Schaub's had the luck of a really cushy midseason schedule. We'll see what happens once he starts facing tougher defenses. Minnesota this week should be good for him, but then Baltimore and Indy should clamp down a little.

Mr. T: I still say Steve Stevens made the bigger mistake trading Moss for Julius Jones. Jones has rushed for 61, 44, 42, and 9 in the last 4 games. He doesn't get the goal line carries. And Steve could've had Jamal Lewis from me, but he chose Jones instead. Say what you want about the anvil, but he's pretty damn consistent. Michael J. is learning that now...

Marble Ryan: The Anvil is consistent. But no one wants to own him. How could you, it's so unglamorous? Owning the Anvil is like dating an unfortunate looking woman who's always cooking for you and giving you back rubs and generally treating you very nicely.

Mr. T: You do realize he scored more points this week than Portis, Barber, Slaton, McGahee, Jacobs, Graham, Turner, Brown, and MJD. That's a pretty nice back rub.

Lafayette Gold: How bout that money Holmes for Rhodes trade by the A-Team last week?

Mr. T: Dude it’s one week and Rhodes hasn't even played his game yet. You've now unleashed yourself to receive numerous emails when Holmes breaks out his 130-yard and 2 TD effort against San Diego in Week 11.

Marble Ryan: Yeah Lafayette, you better take that kind of talk down a notch, lest the fantasy gods strike you down with a Dom Rhodes sports hernia and a Santonio Holmes explosion all over the Lig. In fact, for the sake of the rest of the Lig, I think all ragging on Mr. T should be suspended until his team falls to 4-6.

Mr. T: I'd like to point out that I also play Lafayette next week. Just saying.

Torry Hallelujah: Have any of you guys realized that the Panthers are 6-2? Reading MMQB, and Peter King has them fourth in his power poll. What’s going on in this league, people?

Torry Hallelujah: Also: Roddy White is a man.

Mr. T: I think the Chargers regain the crown as most inconsistent team in football. And how about dem GIANTS!!!

Marble Ryan: I think the water pill issue is ridiculous. The ingredient isn't on the bottle! How do you suspend someone four games for that?! You can't expect players to take every supplement they take to the trainer when they probably just looked at the ingredients and thought they were cool. On countdown Mortensen said Goodell will argue they should've gotten the pills analyzed, like in Seinfeld when they took the frozen yogurt to the lab. What a joke.

Marble Ryan: What do you think the ratings would be like on a Panthers-Titans Super Bowl? Would that have any impact at all or is the Super Bowl small market proof?

Mr. T: I'm sure it'd be no Giants/Patriots, but it can't be any worse than Oakland/Tampa Bay or St. Louis/Tennessee.

Torry Hallelujah: I think that worse than the locale of those teams is the fact that neither team has any real superstars. Steve Smith isn’t what he used to be, the QBs are both marginal, and the RBs all split carries.

Mr. T: Smith is still pretty good. You should've seen his long TD yesterday. Nice tightrope job on the sideline.

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The Glorious Rise and Fall of J.T. O’Sullivan

There are few things in life more perversely satisfying than watching something that’s value has been grossly inflated start to deteriorate. Whether it’s the price of a bank stock or the self-esteem of a girl who thinks she’s much hotter than she really is, it’s always fun to see something get cut down to size. It’s just human nature.

That’s why I reveled in J.T. O’Sullivan’s epic 131 yard, 0 TD, 3 turnover performance (in one half!) yesterday against the lowly Seahawks. That’s why I laughed uncontrollably after O’Sullivan got benched in favor of Shaun Hill, and especially after hearing that the Niners will be using the bye week to reassess their quarterback situation.

Prior to Sunday’s game, O’Sullivan’s numbers hadn’t exactly been gaudy – he’d been throwing for an average of 221 yards and a little over 1 TD per game – but they were much better than they had any right to be, especially during an NFL season in which no NFL QB has been able to light it up the way Brady or Romo did last year. And let’s not forget: the Niners have been really effing bad, too.

See, O’Sullivan’s greatest strength as a fantasy player – the fact that he’ll hold onto the ball forever, throw into double coverage, basically anything to make a play downfield – is the biggest reason why he’s not a good actual player. Let’s be honest: without Martz, O’Sullivan would be just another marginal player, no better or worse than Dan Orlovsky or Jeff Smoker or whoever the Lions are currently starting. But because Martz coaches like he’s a long-time fantasy GM who was inexplicably given the shot to run an NFL offense, O’Sullivan has been a fantasy force.

But that’s all over now. In possibly the worst performance by a QB since Randy Fasani went 5-for-18 for 46 yards and 3 INTs, it all ended for the man known as J.T. O’Suckedagain. Mike Singletary ain’t putting up with that crap.

As of last week, it looked like O’Sullivan was the kind of guy who could win you a fantasy championship. O’Sullivan owners likely – and smartly – avoided drafting a QB until the late rounds, opting to use their high picks on the Matt Fortes and Roddy Whites of the world. Now? Those owners are scouring the waiver wire for a replacement. Good luck. Let me know how Joe Flacco works out for you. Really, I wish you two all the best.
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