Turkey Time

Thanksgiving always provides a few things to fantasy football fans: three games to get excited about (even if one includes the Lions), the chance to shore up a playoff birth, and an few extra pounds around the waistline. While mom’s stuffing never disappoints, there are numerous players who have comes up short in the 2008 season. Today we take a look at this season’s fantasy turkeys – a group who couldn’t be improved even if they were wrapped in bacon.

Torry Holt (WR – STL) If only we could be screaming Hallelujah with the performance Mr. Holt has delivered this season. The Rams offense has been incredibly anemic, but Holt was able to survive that for a good part of last season. This year he appears to be a step slow and has completely dropped off the map in terms of fantasy credibility. The team ordered a routine physical last week to determine whether or not he still had all his limbs attached. Holt’s 2 TDs put him on pace for his lowest total since 2002, but at least he had 1,300 yards that year. An easy end-of-season schedule might seem promising, but I’d rather opt for the sweet potatoes.

Ladanian Tomlinson (RB – SD) You didn’t think we’d leave the fake LT off this list, did you? Unlike Lawrence Taylor, Tomlinson can’t blame his lack of production on an eight ball or some hookers. While some look to the injured toe as an excuse, I see a major disappointment. He looks exceptionally fast in that Vizio commercial, doesn’t he? Like Holt, he’s got a cushy schedule coming up, but he sure as hell hasn’t delivered for you this season. It’s a shame the 30-minutes-or-less policy doesn’t apply to #1 overall picks.

Roy Williams (WR – DAL) Even though he’s no longer a Lion, I felt compelled to include him as an honorary member on this list. He was drafted by Detroit with high expectations, but his production fell somewhat shorter of an Indian micro-penis. Unfortunately, there was no extensive survey done to find out Williams’ issue. At least the Indians were potent. Now in Dallas, Williams plays third fiddle. He’s become an afterthought for fantasy purposes, and the Cowboys schedule doesn’t aide him after this week’s cupcake vs. Seattle.

Larry Johnson (RB – KC) Honestly, what did you expect? When he wasn’t smacking a bitch up, he was running for three yards and a cloud of dust. The Chiefs offensive line was in shambles to begin the season, which didn’t help his cause, but overuse in previous seasons has caused Johnson to lose a step. The only thing to get Johnson through the hole quicker would be to sign Beyonce as a lead blocker because then, and only then, would LJ explode through the hole to chase after her beautiful donk. Let’s face it, LJ has no place in the Chiefs new spread offense. While his matchups aren’t bad, I’ll settle for another heaping of stuffing, some smaller condoms to control the Indian population, and a new Vizio TV.